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As a five year old, I thought the man got on the woman on the couch, he peed in her and she peed back. It would get all over everything each other, the furniture, the rug. In my imaginings, it was quite sexy the liquidity, the abandon. When I was finally old enough to put my hypotheses into action, my boyfriend and I peeing on each other's feet and thighs in the shower just couldn't compare.
There is a lot of literature about inappropriate fluids-sharing and the passion therein aroused; George Bataille made a whole career out of it. Another old Frenchman wrote a "novel" about he and his lover throwing up into each others mouths how incredibly
promotion
intimate it was and how no one would understand their unique love. Then he found a whole group of people all throwing up into each other, but I think he made that part up.
These extra-juicy phenomena are served well in books and dreams where no one gets pneumonia from being naked and wet all night and you don't need a cleaning service after each encounter. But I think the feeling they're trying to capture the pouring forth, the waterfall bringing all the taboos down that, I believe, is the essence of good sex.
Not all youngsters' romantic imaginings revolve around things that belong in the toilet. My friend Eliesha was horrified to discover, as a teen, that the penis actually has to be inserted into the vagina. She had assumed that it magically got in there by itself. Eliesha was crushed to learn the more prosaic truth that the world can be so clumsy and forceful. And yet, when the light and the electrical currents are just so, the penis does magically get in there by itself, doesn't it? I asked other people what they thought sex was like when they were kids and whether their adulthood reality has ever drifted close to that dream. Personally, I still believe my childhood pee-sex myth . . . but as with all great myths, it's best kept symbolic.
Ceci Wild
I can remember first imagining sex in a dream, about two women 69s-ing. It was really erotic, and troubling. I slept in a room with my sister, and I wondered if I was a lesbian. Then we got HBO, and I didn't have to imagine sex anymore there were all those weird movies about women getting raped on bus trips. I did take a lot of nude pictures of my girlfriends when I was little, but I didn't turn out gay. I never raped anyone on a bus either.
Michelle Mitchell
It was very confusing, because my parents always had sex after a big fight, and my mother was always angry and then after this painful-sounding sex, she would be happy again.
Monty Cox
My parents were nineteen when I was born, so as I grew up they were still in their early twenties and still very passionate. My father, from what I could hear, was a madman in the sack. There was no attempt to be quiet, no "don't wake the boy" kind of sex going on in our house. I was routinely awakened by loud smacking noises, guttural screams and the banging of their bed's headboard against the wall. Afterwards, they would dash past my bedroom door to the bathroom or the kitchen, all sweaty and out of breath. I envisioned them beating the shit out of each other, though they assured me everything was just fine. Lisa: Is your sex life as an adult similar or dissimilar to how you pictured it between your parents? Monty: My sex can definitely be aggressive and often sweaty, but I would rather not get into a pissing match with my father. Let's just call it apples and oranges.
Suzy
I became obsessed with sex at a young age I was the horniest five year old at school. I was humping all my stuffed animals on a regular basis. I had two big brothers one was ten years older than me and one was twelve years older they both played in a Black Sabbath cover band, smoked weed out of homemade shampoo bottle bongs and had a hardcore porn collection hidden under their beds. Watching those tapes became a huge part of my childhood. I'd wait until everyone was asleep, creep downstairs with one of the tapes and turn the volume down way low. I stared in amazement at these blonde, tan, large-chested women screaming as if in pain, with their eyebrows all crinkled up, while a severely unattractive man literally rammed her from behind. I figured all sex hurts and is always anal. Ten years later, my hippie boyfriend Mike and I did it for the first time at an elementary school playground. I guess Mike was kinda pervy and I was a virgin . . . after that experience I figured all my childhood assumptions were correct.
Erik
Unlike most people I know, I must not have had much scientific curiosity as a child. I never ever imagined that adults did anything secret. Then, in the fourth grade, a friend told me that in order to make a baby the man had to use his penis to push the woman's little "weenie-thing" inside out and pee. I was revolted and embarrassed. Since then, I have warmed up to the whole sex idea, and it is remarkably similar to the early description I received.
Coz the Shroom
How I pictured sex as a child: richly rewarding, mutually reciprocating 69 machine of unending, immeasurable pleasure! How it turned out:
1. No one does it right.
2. No one wants to have it with me.
3. It's the last priority for everyone who's having it, and the first of everyone who isn't.
Terry McGaughey
My idea of sex as a kid was somewhat odd. I had/have a giant crush on the BBC TV personality David Attenborough he hosts shows about animals and he's very respected here. When I tell people this they usually reel back in horror, but then I met loads of ladies who agreed with me, that his voice would come on the TV and their knees would go weak. Anyway, I used to construct these complex sex fantasies of how he would come 'round to my house in a big landrover and take me to the jungle to make a show about gorillas. We'd have to go and sit among them and pretend we were gorillas also, and then have to be sensual with each other, pick fleas off each other, etc. It never involved sex though, which seemed to correspond closely with my first few sexual experiences, which were basically a bunch of sweaty fondling and touching.
Steven Milling:
As a child I had wild fantasies of men and women rubbing their stomachs together to make babies. I was sure the belly button was in on these sordid activities but just couldn't put it all together. For years, I was frightened of the power my belly button might harness and was afraid if I messed with a girl's belly button I might make her pregnant. As for boobs, I was pretty sure they had something to do with where the baby came out and that was why only girls had them.
Jilly Jones
As far back as I can remember I was playing Prostitute-n-John with my sister I was always the prostitute. I go to a similar equation/place in my mind in order to come with my modern day hetero male partner, i.e. "I don't really want to be here. I'm just doing this for the money," but secretly I actually like it, but he'll never know = orgasm.
Emma Taylor
When we were kids, my sisters and I would talk about "Dallas kisses" and "Hunter kisses." Dallas and Hunter both showed on TV in England on Dallas there was lots of tongue but mostly the kissers stayed on their feet, while on Hunter the couple would roll around on the floor kissing. That's all I thought happened between grown-ups lots of kissing, sometimes upright, sometimes not. Lisa: What about now? Are you a Dallas-kisser or more of a Hunter-roller? Emma: I'm not a big roller, but maybe that's because I live in a tiny apartment with hardwood floors.
Skott Alfred Wade
When I was a boy I had always imagined sex as being a weird ritual . . . bigger than life. Now I see how fun and meaningless it can be, yet at the same time, as meaningful as cardiac arrest.
Dick McKenny
My kiddy sex ideas involved finding an exciting girl/lady and daring to do something, or daring them to do something. The excitement of exploration. There was plenty of rescue involved: foiling kidnappers, saving the day and getting mysterious, thrilling favors in return. I still feel pretty much the same about sex.
Karen Sax
My mom told me that when she was young she asked my grandmother how women got pregnant and my grandma got really flustered (it was the '50s) and said,"Just look how the cats do it." So until she was much older she thought women got knocked up by being bitten on the back of the neck. For me it's proven to be much more violent, though a lot less painful but that's probably because I like the violence!
Matthew Pearson
I didn't picture sex, actually. Up until almost puberty, I had no idea of the actual existence of it. I just thought there was kissing and some kind of petting. Lisa: When you actually started doing it, did you spend a lot of time on the kissing and petting? Matthew: Practically none! I didn't lose my virginity till in my mid-twenties, so I was eager to get down to the act.
Wayne Kuske
My idea of sex as a child was seeing bare breasts and nothing beyond. Once it was explained to me what the actual act consisted of, I could visualize penetration, but had no concept of pleasure, nor whether it could actually work in practice, nor why you would actually want to do it. Breasts continue to hold a special place in my libido and heart seeing them bare is still, sometimes, all that I want out of an encounter.
Joe Harrington
When I was five I chased my baby sitter who was a swinging teenager in 1969 down the street because I wanted to get my hands on her! Later on, I stole my mom's jewelry to give to her as an offering of my love. I've been that way ever since.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lisa Carver is the author of the books Dancing Queen, Rollerderby, The Lisa Diaries and Drugs Are Nice. She's written for Hustler,Index, Icon, Feed,Newsday and Playboy, among others. She lives in New Hampshire.
Ceci Wild
Monty Cox
Erik
Coz the Shroom
Terry McGaughey
Steven Milling:
Jilly Jones
Emma Taylor
Dick McKenny
Karen Sax
Matthew Pearson
Joe Harrington
, featuring curious yet marvelous infusions of cucumber and rose petal.
