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If what you�re doing constitutes cheating, then I'm the world�s biggest dime-store floozy. I constantly look up exes. I pore over every detail of their social-networking profiles. I comb through Flickr accounts, do Google image searches, and read blog entries.

Like you, I don�t know exactly why I do it. I moved a lot when I was growing up, and never found out what happened to people. Now I can, via the magic of the internet. I�m sure another reason has to do with insecurity: is his new girlfriend better looking than me? Did his band get signed? Does he have a mansion and two adorable kids? I�m also searching for answers: did we break up because we were incompatible, or is he now one half of a gay couple living in Iowa and breeding Samoyeds?

My shrink says I do this to create drama. (Apparently a happy relationship isn�t enough for someone who grew up with argumentative parents.) Online, I get my emotional highs and lows, conspiracy theories, and intrigue. And I'm fine with this. Know why? Because I�m not in contact with any of these gentlemen, and never plan to be. I still have feelings for a few � not romantic, just unresolved � and others I could give a bright-pink monkey rear about.

To answer your question: no, infidelity isn't only physical. And while "emotional infidelity" is a term used far too often, for everything from fantasizing about your neighbor to looking at porn � you can go too far without ever being in the same room together. Initiating an ongoing, online relationship with someone who has put you in Kenny Loggins' zone in the past is, as my college stoner-friend Tracy used to say, a "baaaaaad scene."

You can Facebook-stalk this woman as much as you want, as long as you exercise the same self-discipline you did the first time she became a threat. Observe from afar. Do not add her to your friend�s list or contact her. If she contacts you, accidentally "lose" the invite. Keep that shit under quarantine.

As far as why you do this, I�d chalk it up to part horniness, part restlessness and depression, and part curiosity. In other words, being a normal, fallible human with feelings. Don�t beat yourself up. Don�t wonder why. Use it as motivation to get your ass away from the computer. I find that I ex-stalk much less when I make sure my life keeps me fabulously busy.

Dear Night Owl,

Changing your body clock to match hers (or vice versa) seems the most obvious answer. Set a new bedtime to match hers and stick to it, even if you�re lying there bored off your ass or arriving at work half-conscious and cranky. It�s like dieting: if you want to do it right, you have to be consistent and avoid quick fixes. Neither the maple-syrup diet nor sleeping pills will work in the long-run, and you can undo weeks of work with a sleeping-in binge. You could also meet in the middle on a new bedtime; then you both go into nighttime training. Suffering�s always more fun when shared!

Don't make it about sex at first. Changing a sleep pattern is stressful enough. Make a joke out of it. Buy a book of naughty bedtime stories and put up a gold-star reward chart on your refrigerator.

Of course, I say this, but would I actually do it? I�m going to go with a big fat never on that one, Mr. Sajak. I like my weird body clock, and more and more studies like this one are showing that it�s not a simple matter of preference. The differences are hardwired in our brains. With that in mind, here are some fixes that have nothing to do with resetting your internal alarm clock:

Take a "class": The "class" being naked adult-time every Saturday from four to five p.m. (You can take turns being the professor.) What about a long lunch at work? Tell your boss you�ve got weekly allergy shots on Thursdays. Yes, scheduled sex is awkward and a bit of a drag. But if you make a real commitment and lie about it to everyone you know, you�re much more likely to follow through. It�s hot to share secrets, and sneaky is only a half-step away from horny.

Take turns being the slacker: When she wants it in the morning, give it to her, but let her know that she�s got to go down on you like she's being graded. When you want it in the evening, she can be a lazybones and lie there. There�s a mindset out there that sex is a team effort and both partners have to give their all, all the time. Why? Who says? Give your partner permission to be a shitty lay when you want something outside normal business hours. It�s like ordering off the late-night menu � you may have wanted the chicken dinner, but if you�re hungry enough chicken fingers are also damn tasty.

Establish D-days, as in "Do It To Me and Quit Yer Complaining": You get one day a week when you can solicit her for night sex. She gets the same, for mornings. You�re allowed to say no to the actual act if you�re not feeling it, but you have to engage in some sort of physical contact: a back-rub, spooning, kissing, fondling, etc. The goal is to get used to being sexual at off-peak hours, and it's okay to take baby steps.

While it may be annoying in the boudoir, couples with mismatched body clocks can get along really well when cohabitating. Those extra hours while she�s in bed and you�re still up (or vice versa) are a great way to get in some alone time. It also comes in handy if you have a puppy or a baby.

Readers, how do you get busy with birds of a different feather? Has anyone ever been a committed morning or night person and then changed to keep the peace — or just get a piece?