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Country songs are almost magically literal, especially when it comes to sex and relationships. No one but Tanya Tucker would tell you she doesn't remember what or whom she did while drunk ("Jose Cuervo"), or that, thanks to a spoiled relationship, her bed is exclusively used for watching television ("Love Me Like You Used To") — and accompany both tales with a twangy guitar riff. While radio pop uses the same dull similes to explain away emotions and dance around real sexual content, a country song tells a story, and sometimes it even tells it with a sense of humor. Below, the best country lyrics on . . .
Having drunken hook-ups: "Now wait a minute, things don't look too familiar/And who is this cowboy who's sleepin' beside me?/Well, he's awful cute, but how'd I get his shirt on?/I had too much tequila last night." — "Jose Cuervo," Tanya Tucker
Confronting the other woman (or man): "You've been makin' your brags around town /That you've been a lovin' my man / But the man I love, when he picks up trash / He puts it in a garbage can /And that's what a you look like to me … Ya better detour around my town /'Cause I'll grab you by the hair /And I'll lift-a you offa the ground" — "Fist City," Loretta Lynn
Having a fuck buddy: "I get out on the redneck side every now and then/Call up my baby, she comes over and the party begins/She's a slick nickel, she's right on the money/I wouldn't give her up for a thousand buckle bunnies." — "Little Miss Honky Tonk," Brooks & Dunn
Looking hot on a budget: "Victoria's Secret, well their stuff's real nice/But I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price/ And still look sexy, just as sexy, as those models on TV/No, I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me/Well, you might think I'm trashy, a little too hardcore/But in my neck of the woods I'm just the girl next door." — "Redneck Woman," Gretchen Wilson
Polyamory: "Love is hard to find/Love of any kind/And love like yours and mine/Creates its own design…/When I think of her/Then I think of you/The love is not the same/But either love is true/Why do I have to choose?" — "Why Do I Have to Choose?," Willie Nelson
Thinking we might as well have sex: "He left you, she left me…/ Don't you think we've earned the right/To go cheating on the blues tonight?" — "Cheatin' on the Blues," Brooks & Dunn
Doing it in a truck: "Well, I'm a thoroughbred/That's what she said in the back of my truck bed/As I was gettin' buzzed on suds out on some back country road/And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go." — "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)," Big & Rich
Getting slutty to keep a man happy: "I'm gonna be the swingin'est swinger you've ever had…/'Cause your good girl's gonna go bad." — "Good Girls Gotta Go Bad," Tammy Wynette
Not taking someone back: "You say you were wrong to ever leave me alone/Now you're sorry, you're lonesome and scared/And you say you'd be happy if you could just come back home/Well here's a quarter; call someone who cares." — "Here's a Quarter", Travis Tritt
No bullshit-breakup lines: "I don't want to hear you whimper, and I don't want to hear you cry. I don't want to see your face until the day after I die." — "Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissin' You Goodbye," Don Brunsn°
, featuring curious yet marvelous infusions of cucumber and rose petal.
