Consumer Reports Now Testing Out Condoms

So, want to know which rubber is most likely to stand up to the test? Consumer Reports took up the challenge, and it looks like your best bet is probably a Trojan.

How did they determine what makes one condom better than the rest, you ask? Did the Consumer Reports office turn into a round-the-clock orgy with regular stops to fill out rating forms? Sadly, no. (Or perhaps happily, for the Reports people. I say this knowing someone who was once almost assigned to sleep with five people in one day for a piece.) Here's how it went down:

For our latest test, our intrepid mystery shopper bought more than 15,000 condoms—yes, one guy, 15,000 condoms. Lab technicians then unrolled them, stretched them, measured them, visually examined them, dunked them in liquid (to check for leaks), and inflated them with air until they burst to determine which ones are strong enough to put your trust (or you or your partner) into.

I'm not going to lie, I read that last part as "which ones are strong enough to put your thrust into." Works just as well, though. You can't see the actual ratings unless you're a subscriber, but it should be noted that out of all brands, four different Trojan models got perfect scores.

Which is good to know - because remember, kids, not all condoms are made equal! And always, as Missy Elliott once said, wrap it up before you smack it up. (I don't really know what "smack it up" means, but I can probably guess.)