Today in Twitter: Aziz Ansari Sees Twilight So You Don't Have To

Aziz Ansari, the comic of Parks and Recreation fame, in an act of extreme charity (or extreme boredom) has decided to do us all a favor and live-tweet the Twilight movies. This adds another item to the list of things I think are great about the little blue bird. Because while some of us might have stood in line for hours, clad in Team Jacob t-shirts and screaming with juvenile glee to see the opening of Twilight and New Moon - we realize that they're not for everyone.

However, RPattz and KStew, as cultural phenomena, are here to stay. With new movies in the works, you might as well know a thing or two about the series - how else will you talk to your boyfriend's fourteen-year-old cousin? Think of it like Spark Notes for difficult-to-stomach Tween obsessions. Here, courtesy of Aziz, is everything you need to know about New Moon:

• Oh shit! That kid with the six pack is this movie but he's not in shape yet and he needs a haircut. Weird. #TwilightLiveTweet 12:35 PM Mar 15th
• WHOA. Can anyone that has long scraggly hair in this movie turn into a wolf? That's dope! Why do people hate on this movie???! #TwilightLiveTweet
• Whoa, do the Asian people turn into Dragons or anything? What other ethnicity turns into animals/creatures??? #TwilightAziz 12:42 PM Mar 15th
• Never thought I'd see a dude pull up in a Subaru Forrester with such authority. Damn Edward! #TwilightAziz 12:54 PM Mar 15th

• Damn, gotta go film a scenes in @ParksandRec. Be back soon Twilight! #TwilightAziz 1:06 PM Mar 15th
  
• "How long have you been 17?" "A while." Dude is a vampire! Did NOT see this coming. Me right now: https://twitpic.com/18tcqk #TwilightAziz 1:37 PM Mar 15th
  

Now you don't need to see the movie! Two hours of your life, spared! Think about how great it would be if someone would do this with other important and difficult-to-parse artworks, like Ulysses or Lost? Think how relevant, cultured and entertained we'd all be. Thanks Aziz!