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Image of the Day: The Sperm Spectrum

Faster than a speeding bullet, or at least a Peruvian jaguar (but still slower than a dirty gutterpunk working a bike messenger job), it's semen! No one…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (6)

Jesse James Quits Sex Rehab Because Of Sandra Bullock

Despite the fact that the Monster Garage host checked himself into the same facility that his wife starred in for the film 28 Days (not to be confused…

By Drew Grant on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (4)

Wanda Sykes Spoofs Erykah Badu In "Middle Seat"

With all the controversy and misdemeanors for public nudity that singer/activist Erykah Badu has rained down for her latest music video "Window Seat" about…

By Drew Grant on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (1)

Lunchtime Link Love: Star Wars Pinup Girls

Axl Rose fell on his ass in Bogota, Colombia. This made headlines because instead of getting mad and storming off the stage, he smiled at the audience, sat…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (1)

The Daily Mail: Absolutely Everything Gives You Cancer

Here at Scanner, making fun of The Daily Mail - British tabloid and purveyor of sensationalist claptrap - is about the closest thing we've got to…

By Ben Reininga on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (1)

A Tepid Defense of KFC's Double Down Sandwich

Before I begin, I'd like to state for the record that: 1) this sandwich is horrendous and 2) I would eat it if given the chance. That being said, I'm not…

By James Brady Ryan on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (1)

Horny Men Ruin Women's Topless March

This is one of those photos that proves you never really need an article to tell a story if you have the right photographer. Look at those leering male…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (39)

Chocolate Robert Pattinson: For The Menopausal Mom/Tween In All Of Us

As if the Madame Tussaud wax statue wasn't creepy enough for Team Edward fans, now someone has gone and made a to-scale chocolate head based on Robert…

By Drew Grant on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (1)

While You Were Sleeping: Eli Roth Gets Involved In The Geldof Sex Scandal

Celebrities in LA reacted to the earthquake there -- via Twitter, of course. Police are really making a big deal over this Erykah Badu nudie video thing --…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 5th, 2010 | Comments (3)

Scanner Highs And Lows: Celebrities Stoop To New Lows

This week in the Scanner universe: Westboro got its comeuppance, the nude beaches of America opened for your casual sex and tanning adventures, and Jesse…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (2)

Alessandra Ambrosio Shows Us Her Victoria's Secrets

And to round out this beautiful Friday afternoon, here are some pictures of the beautiful Alessandra Ambrosio letting the sun shine in for Victoria's…

By Drew Grant on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (3)

Stop Pretending There Are Hot Girls On Chat Roulette

This is a public service announcement from Scanner: there are no women on Chat Roulette. We've said it countless times before -- including last week: "You…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (3)

Air Comet Nude Calender Pics

Yesterday we introduced you to the stewardesses of Spain's Air Comet, who were protesting 9 months of back wages unpaid by putting together a calender of…

By Drew Grant on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (3)

This Week In Sex: Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried Get It On

The Pope's exorcist, who probably doesn't have much to do these days, announced that Satan is behind all the man-boy sex allegations. "He stript (sic) of…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (5)

If Lady Gaga Wasn't Famous...She'd Still Dress Like That

At least according to these group of Aussies who have made a video of Lady Gaga (specifically in her recent "Telephone"-era ensemble) in different…

By Drew Grant on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (5)

Hooksexup's Comment of the Week

This week, you got animated over the defining question of our era: are Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld more comparable to Lennon and McCartney, or to Sid…

By James Brady Ryan on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (2)

Hutaree Militia Member Was Also An Actor In A Truly Insane Movie

One of his lines: "Scar my tattered body no more with your punishing dildo mallet!" If you don't know about it, Hutaree is an ultra-Christian militia that…

By James Brady Ryan on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (2)

Crazy Reenactors Crucify Themselves To Celebrate Easter

I grew up in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and so I'm more accustomed than most to the weirdness of historical reenactments. Gettysburg, after all, is the…

By Chris Mathias on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (4)

Lunchtime Link Love: Steve Carrell's Amazing Lovemaking

Did you know that the guy who plays Jacob on Lost is also the guy who stuff's The Dude's head in a toilet in The Big Lebowski? This being Lost-related, you…

By Brian Fairbanks on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (3)

If You See Someone Drowning, Laugh Out Loud

It's sad - I had to spend a minute trying to figure out if this was some sort of mean prank, like putting a "If you see someone choking, pretend they're…

By Ben Reininga on Apr 2nd, 2010 | Comments (7)