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Date Machine

Love Machine: How I Date on the Internet

Posted by amboabe

Dating on the internet is both impossible and absurdly easy. As Zetgeisty noted, it's the simplest way in the world to create the illusion of a social life for yourself. It's something that's fundamentally unfulfilling because it makes something unquantifiable fit into a query boxes. Even in the best of circumstances, there is always a vague sense of disappointment when you meet someone you've been talking to on a dating site.

All the time and energy spent exchanging emails and phone calls in the buildup to going on a date can be fun and alluring, but it's tantamount to shadowboxing. It's two strangers talking to themselves willfully consenting to let the other to use the vagaries of their lives as a psychic swank rag. When you finally get to meet in real life and realize that the magically sensitive and charming person who was such a delight in your inbox on Tuesday mornings has now become a slouching mouth-breather with just a few too many freckles, how can you not feel disappointed? I've accumulated some simple tactics you can use to stop delegating the ups and downs of your romantic life to relative strangers over the internet.

 

  

First, the most positive change you can make is to stop spending so much time and energy on the pre-date emailing sessions. Everyone starts over from scratch the very second they lay eyes on somebody for the first time. If you see someone you like in the papyrus scroll of names and faces, say hello. If they say hello back, ask them out. You don't have to hear about their grandparents, or their job, or the great summer they spent in India their junior year of college. You don't have to go out of your way to make the other person feel charmed or comfortable. It's enough to just say to someone that you find them interesting or attractive. If they feel the same about you, then great! Meet up in person and find out if there's something real to it. The worst thing you could do is spend a week emailing about nothing because you don't want to jump the gun and appear to eager or desperate.

Another huge trap to doing anything social on the internet is that it can become a surrogate way of living. You can get just as stuck living a fantasy life on a personals site as you can wasting hours on Facebook. If you don't have a specific reason to log on, don't. You don't need to see who's emailed you or winked at you everyday, especially if you're just going to ask them for coffee next anyway. The internet should enhance your life, not become an addicting distraction. Finally, for every internet date you have, go on a real one. This sounds harder than it is. You'll be much happier and satisfied in the long run if your time with internet dating is just something you do on the side, rather than the desperate obsession that becomes an umbilicum to the life you've always wanted to live.

 

 

Go live that life now. Try sending someone a friend request in real life. Send someone a wink in the coffee shop tomorrow morning. Say, "Hello, I think you've got cool hair," to someone's face. Don't think about your life in terms of rejection. Think about it in terms of having a good time with yourself. Go forth and amuse yourself, and don't apologize for doing it in the company of others. Some will be charmed and want to walk with you a while down the road, others won't. Fun is divinity, it's total honesty, and it's a kind of blind commitment to the people you're surrounded; it can be inordinately attractive. So go talk to someone in public that you're attracted to for whatever reason, and say something that is meant primarily for your own amusement. See if they play along. Most will. Then when you return home at the end of the day and see some random person in your inbox it might be easier to have a little perspective about it all. They're probably going to be ugly anyway.

 

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Comments

comrade_member said:

about 'winking' at someone in RL...

it's not that I'm afraid of rejection..

it's just that I don't want to bother anyone.

To give an example: this girl once started talking to me in the coffee shop and eventually gave me her number. I never called, because I wasn't interested. No big deal, right? Well.. not exactly. The next time I went to the same place she was there and was now avoiding an eye contact with me. It got awkward, so I stopped going there.

The point is... I don't want this type of a thing to get in the way of enjoying my coffee. Keeping it on the net at least gives the rest of my life some protection from it. Sure, most of the dates are a waste of time, but at least they don't damage my time beyond the time actually spent on the date.

September 3, 2008 12:44 PM

amboabe said:

comrade_member: It might be a little awkward I guess, but really, how big an issue can it really be to hit on someone in the coffee shop? Is it really worth avoiding one brief moment of passing awkwardness? Being hit on is usually a flattering process all in all. Not to everybody, but most people get hit on far less than you'd expect. It's generally a great compliment, even if they're not into you. That shouldn't feel like a bother at all!

September 3, 2008 4:06 PM

comrade_member said:

amboabe:

Maybe it's just me, but I get embarrassed and feel like leaving the place even when I see someone hit on someone else, if they don't know how to do it right (and most people don't). At another coffee shop, I went through the pain of having to listen to these two striking up an incredibly awkward and artificial conversation during which I kept screaming inside my head "for the love of God, just shut up!".

In my opinion, meeting people is for situations meant for meeting people, say at parties (or on dating sites, if you will). Hitting on strangers at random public places is best left to the most charming and entertaining of us, and those don't need advice entries like this.

I am not sure what to make of "most people get hit on far less than you'd expect". Are you hoping that not too many, but just the right number of people would read that?

September 3, 2008 11:57 PM

amboabe said:

Nah, not hoping that. It's just my experience that people tend to blush and feel flattered when you approach them in a place that's not a bar. Even in rejection I've noticed women feel more flattered by the effort than annoyed that some other schlub was trying their luck with them.

I also don't agree that there's skill involved in flirting with someone. People aren't aquisitions to succeed or fail with. They're partners in crime, lovers, and friends to have fun with. Not everyone will have fun with everyone else, but if you just approach people with a fun time in your mind  rather than thinking in terms of succeess/failure or acceptance/rejection you get a lot farther and sound a lot more appealing. And what better way to spend the minutes of your life than trying to have fun with the random strangers that fate has thrown in your path?

September 4, 2008 12:27 AM

comrade_member said:

"I also don't agree that there's skill involved in flirting with someone."

Well it's either a skill or a talent, because you must agree that some people do it with much more success than some others.

If you are saying it's a talent, it only makes matters worse, because in that case it can't even be learned!

September 4, 2008 2:31 AM

date machine said:

When I was 25 I left LA, dropped all the career momentum I had built up in the film industry and joined the Peace Corps. I had imagined of going to some sandy African coastal village and living beneath palm fronds for two years while digging latrines

September 4, 2008 10:03 AM

dlgallian said:

Internet dating is so popular because it allows you to neatly package up the parts of you that you like and present them cleanly for others to examine if and when they choose.  Being approached or approaching someone in real life, especially if it's not at a bar or a party or somewhere else where people have "prepped" themselves (both physically and mentally), has too many opportunities for spontaneity, messiness, fear.  People dislike the lack of control that "real life" represents when, in reality, that's what real relationships are like.  It doesn't mean much to me when someone approaches me after I've prepped and groomed my presentation.  What would be incredibly touching to me is if someone approached me randomly, as I was at the moment, engaged in something else, hair disheveled, book in my lap, cat hair on my clothes, and found me charming in that particular moment.

I'm captivated by men I see in real life all the time.  The way they hold their coffee, or how their hair is a little bit messy, the crinkly lines around their eyes... those little things slay me every day.  But I never tell them.  And no one ever tells me.  I wish I could.

September 4, 2008 6:41 PM

ulltravylette said:

I would prefer to meet someone randomly. Even though when strangers hit on me it makes me extremely uncomfortable. It happens MORE often than you'd think.

September 4, 2008 11:56 PM

date machine said:

I made the fatal mistake of going on a date at a wine bar a few days ago. It's always a terrible idea to go somewhere you don't normally like going on a first date. It's bad enough meeting someone for drinks, as if the presence of alcohol

September 5, 2008 10:59 AM

date machine said:

To celebrate the start of another NFL season, news broke on Sunday that Tom Brady, the man-hunk quarterback for the New England Patriots, used to have love handles. Some guy that owns a pizza place in some random Palookaville that Brady once danced through

September 8, 2008 4:49 AM

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