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Date Machine

Small American Dicks

Posted by airheadgenius

 

I've been thinking a lot about dicks today. Mainly of the penile variety, but dicks in general have been on my mind what with the recent spate of trolls on Date Machine.

The possibilities of, the use of, the general appeal of dicks.

And it occurred to me that I never encountered a small dick before I moved to America.
I'd met quite a few dicks in England. Maybe not as many as my blog persona suggests, but certainly in the double digits and all of them had been at least 6" long and quite thick. I am casting my mind back over them and it's true. All were a nice chunk of meat.

And then I moved to America.


Now, with one notable exception* which is by far the biggest and thickest one I've ever had the pleasure of sitting on, several of them have been quite tiny.

Why is that do you think?

It has nothing to do with race because the dicks that I have encountered have belonged to a variety of ethnicities but some have been conspicuous by their stature. or lack thereof.

I have a theory about this: Maybe it's the Puritans. The reason they came here because they had little dicks and they were sick of being ridiculed and so they made up an adjunct to a religion and pretended that they didn't like sex And maybe small genitalia is hereditary.

Just a thought.

It's not even as if I need a big dick because I happen to have a gloriously snug snatch - I even have that on medical authority - but it's the visual effect as much as anything. Big dicks just seem more manly somehow.

This brought to you by a woman preoccupied with dicks today and wondering how many times I can write it in one blog post.

* To further prove my theory that you American men are underendowed, that big one I mentioned was encountered in New York, but belonged to an English man. My people's men have big dicks. As is clear from today's trolls, your people are dicks. 

Vive la difference

 

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Larry Flynt said:

I hope you're grateful for the inspiration.

May 4, 2009 9:38 PM

airheadgenius said:

I truly am. Thanks for being such a big dick.

May 4, 2009 9:40 PM

airheadgenius said:

p.s. Larry, if you'd have trolled Date Machine a little more enthusiastically over the last few months and upped the page views, maybe they wouldn't have canned our sorry arses. Thanks for nothing with yer bad timing.

May 4, 2009 9:42 PM

airheadgenius said:

p.p.s - On the blogger dashboard, the page views were 0, yet I already had a comment. That means Larry is a mole in the ministry. Is it you Amboabe? Has to be an inside job!

May 4, 2009 9:58 PM

Larry Flynt said:

Yes, I've been busy, I'm sorry.  But we're having such a nice little last gasp of fun, are we not?

May 4, 2009 9:59 PM

Larry Flynt said:

No, it just means that all the various data sources that comprise the page don't get refreshed at the same time -- for example, with the stuff that we regular folks see, usually the comment count is incremented before the comment actually appears.

But for you to think I'm Amboabe is quite a compliment -- he's the finest writer of all o' y'all, don't you think?

May 4, 2009 10:11 PM

airheadgenius said:

Nah, he's just a poor relation.

I bet he had an imaginary friend as a kid. Probably still does. Calls him Larry I'll bet.

May 4, 2009 10:22 PM

Larry Flynt said:

Codswallop.

May 4, 2009 10:37 PM

airheadgenius said:

I can just imagine that his imaginary friend would use antiquated English expressions. Can't you?

May 4, 2009 10:48 PM

Joe said:

w... t... f... is going on with this blog in its final days?

May 5, 2009 12:18 AM

zeitgeisty said:

its coming off the rails!!!!

May 5, 2009 1:10 AM

Nick Nick said:

Hi AHG, sorry that they're throwing you all out (when?). I did my best to keep up the page views - I actually read you and ZTGTY quite assiduously but usually too buried in work and thought. Anyway, what are your plans? I always thought the weak link in this blog was Hooksexup itself with it's incredibly mediocre design, nauseating colour scheme and general crapness. So I hope a couple of you create your own blog.  

May 5, 2009 3:34 AM

airheadgenius said:

Joe - I guess people get bold when they know there's no consequences. Seems to be the case for the troll(s) anyway. You can't be re-fired.

Nick - May 8th we're toast. You can find me at airheadgenius.blogspot.com for the time being.

Thanks for the props and yeah, hopefully we can figure out something fun for the future. Esp with my new found mad alliteration skills.

May 5, 2009 6:49 AM

ThatsHowITroll said:

Wow, mid-40's, stocky, a single mother of two, AND you lash out when criticized?  No wonder you've had so much dating success.  

May 5, 2009 9:52 AM

airheadgenius said:

I am not remotely stocky. Fuck off back under yer bridge. On your way, grab a dictionary and look up the meaning of "mid". I very recently turned 42.

Intelligent insults welcome. Stupid insults, not so much.

May 5, 2009 10:32 AM

ThatsHowITroll said:

Fine, sorry, you're 42, a full 1.34 years away from the mathematical 'second trimester' of your 40's.  Of course, that's 62 in regular man years, when adjustments are made for rate of physical decay, etc. (and more like 72 years old in Hollywood actor man years).

I'm definitely getting a stocky vibe.  Only have the 'shoulders up' shot to go by (and I think an unflattering assessment of a bikini shot of you by Zeitgeisty), but I'm thinking thick waist, large calves.

May 5, 2009 11:00 AM

airheadgenius said:

You are funny. And so bold that you can't even sign your profile name. Gotta love a cowardly troll. Them's the best kind.

May 5, 2009 11:30 AM

dvaleriey said:

Ms. Genius is cute and her witticisms will be missed.  I think the Troll has a lil' crush on someone.  Why would he try so hard to lash out if not to get your attention?  Probably lacking good looks, charm, and talent, he relies on raw transparent rage to turn your head.  It's interesting that all this takes place under a post about tiny dicks.  

May 5, 2009 1:34 PM

dvaleriey said:

P.S. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl  POWER!!!!

May 5, 2009 1:44 PM

airheadgenius said:

Thanks dval - the trolls were beginning to get irritating, so I appreciate you lightening the mood. Do check in on blogspot - I would love your comments over there too.

May 5, 2009 2:12 PM

dvaleriey said:

*odd note:  I am not the author of the postscript under my comment.  I don't mind the sentiment, although it is not my manner of expressing myself, but I wonder if someone can co-opt your screen name and pretend to be you.  

May 5, 2009 5:24 PM

airheadgenius said:

dval - absolutely you can. If you are signed in - like I am - your name comes up automatically. Otherwise, you can write whatever name you like. The troll comments most likely all came from one person just using different names.

May 5, 2009 5:41 PM

troll said:

I can assure you they did not come from the same person.  There were at least two people.

So AHG, why no response to my question about your anonymity versus mine?  What's the matter, cat got your stocky tongue?

May 5, 2009 6:32 PM

airheadgenius said:

I am signed in under my profile name. You are welcome to go and check out my profile since I am sure you have nothing better to do with your time. You, thankfully, will remain a mystery although my sense is that you are butt ugly and have malformed genitalia.

Anyway, it's been a blast. Now fuck off.

May 5, 2009 6:43 PM

Larry Flynt said:

My dear headgearanus, your outrage sustains us.  But why oh why must you always resort to genital insults?  Your limited range suggests that you may not really be British after all.

I can't believe I wasted a "codswallop" on you.

May 5, 2009 7:06 PM

casualencounters.com/blog/ said:

I, for one, will miss you, and all your snippy Britishtasticness. And I mean that from the bowels of the dregs of the remains of the flotsam and jetsam of my withered and shrivelled and <adverb> <adjective> <adjective> <gerund> <made-up-compound-adjective> heart.

And welcome our new robot overlords.

May 5, 2009 7:07 PM

troll said:

Come on, don't be all huffy.  I'm sure with the right clothes and enough eye makeup, you make a good impression.  

May 5, 2009 7:10 PM

tonyitalian said:

I just happen to read your blog about dicks.  All I can say is typical dry humour.

May 5, 2009 10:05 PM

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