As I write this post, I have a standing fan aimed right at me, merely so that I can feel cool enough to continue enjoying my morning coffee(s).
I tell you this to impress upon you just how important my daily coffee intake is to me.
So it was a big deal when I decided to forego coffee for a week so that I could test out Spot On Energy, an energy patch designed as an alternative to coffee, energy drinks, and other artificial sources of caffeine.
According to the literature that came with my patches, Spot On Energy is supposed to be healthier because its contents bypass the stomach, "where many people experience discomfort with traditional energy products." And instead of giving you a quick rush of energy, along with a subsequent crash, the patches are supposed to give you five hours of increased, sustained energy, plus improved mental focus.
Because you're probably wondering what's in these things:
- 20 mg caffeine
- 5 mg taurine
- 5 mg glucuronolactone
- 4 mg green tea extract
- 2 mg vitamin B3
- 2 mg vitamin B5
- 800 mcg vitamin B6
- 800 mcg vitamin B12
Seems harmless enough, right? No worse than the other shit I ingest on a daily basis.
I began my coffee ban on a Wednesday. This made me tired and sad.
On Thursday, I was even sadder.
By Friday, I was agitated. I mean, I don't necessarily drink coffee because of its energy-related benefits. I drink it because I find it comforting...the warmth...the smell, the heat going down my throat and spreading throughout my body. I daydreamed about my coffee. I stared longingly at my Mr. Coffee coffee pot. I sniffed by Bavarian chocolate coffee grinds and pretended it was next week.
Finally, I (inevitably) decided that there was no way in hell I could go an entire week without coffee. I decided to prematurely end my fast and get this energy patch thing out of the way.
I placed a patch on each bicep, and sat down to my computer to Get Shit Done.
I immediately started hallucinating various ailments, allegedly caused by the patch.
God, I'm getting a headache, I thought to myself, kneading my forehead with two fingers. I wonder if that's the energy patch.
Several minutes pass.
My thumbs are aching, I suddenly realize. I wince as I rotate and stretch my thumbs. I wonder if that's the energy patch. (Never mind that I have an enduring paranoia about carpal tunnel syndrome.)
I'm bleeding out of my eyeballs, I observe. That has to be the energy patch!
Okay. Just kidding. No eyeball-bleeding occurred.
But by the time noon rolled around, I had had it. My thumb pain was freaking me out, I was having erotic fantasies involving my coffee pot, and all I really wanted to do was curl up on my bed with the cats. No infusion of energy or increase of focus in sight.
I ripped off the patches (ouch! worse than bandaids!) and brewed up an extra-large pot of coffee, drinking three cups in quick succession.
Okay. So perhaps my coffee addiction had something to do with Spot On Energy's less-than-stellar performance. Or maybe the fact that I've been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome makes my lack of energy more difficult to manage.
Or maybe it's the fact that I never see the sunlight, and most probably have some sort of vitamin deficiency by this point.
If you're interested in trying the patch out yourself, they're available on the site:
[$16.95-$62.95, Spot On Energy]
Or, if you'd like my leftovers, be the first one to comment and I'll send some your way.
Related: The Sweet and the Low: My Morning Coffee, Boost Your Sexy, Coffee Alternative