Robert Stewart is on the sex offender's registry after he was convicted of having sex with a bicycle. We love our bike as much as the next guy, but we're not going to have sex with it in a Scottish hostel. Even if we did get the urge, we would have no idea what to do. There is, as far as we know, very little sex-with-bicycle precedent. But maybe we're wrong and there's a booming subculture of people who plow their bikes. We know about Objectophilia, the somewhat confusing practice of being in love with an inanimate object, but there's always that burning question....how? Inside? Outside? Around the back? Come on, perverts, help us out! If people are really going to do this, we need to know how it's getting done.