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How Young Is Too Young?

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

No, not in that way...

An 11-year boy was arrested for armed robbery... at a Florida Walgreen's... Apparently, our boy took after our favorite Charlie Scene movie* and tried to rob a convenient store last night.

According to FoxnewsOrlando: 

The incident started around 3:30am Monday when the youngster entered the Walgreen’s. Police said the boy was able to make it out of the store with a backpack with an undisclosed amount of cash. 

“Officers were able to locate and arrest the child approximately five minutes after the robbery occurred.” 

Unconfirmed reports has it that the boy led police on a high-speed chase through the playground on his bicycle, no word yet if he was able to have sex with a girl* while riding however.

Orlando Police said the boy did not steal any prescription drugs or medication; only cash. 

The child has been charged with commercial robbery.

First of all, what is this kid doing out at 3am?  In a sane society we’d also ask why he had access to BB guns, but this is Florida we’re talking about.  

The good news is that, according to the police, the boy “did not steal any prescription drugs or medication; only cash.” For a second we were worried he might have an OxyContin addiction. 

[Full disclosure: Before you load up your Netflix queue, The Chase is only my favorite Charlie Sheen movie because of a similar experience late one night on the way home from a country bar in Jersey (don’t ask).  I was driving my girlfriend’s 1985 Dodge Charger down some dark highway when she decided to hike up her skirt, zip down my fly and climb on top of me.  By the time we finished I looked down to notice that my foot had the pedal floored and we climaxed together at 110 mph.  I have an affinity for Grease 2 for similar reasons.  Otherwise both films are rather forgettable.]

 VIDEO: Police: 11-year-old child robbed Walgreen's 

-this post was written by substitute blogger Byron Dafoe 

 

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Comments

fitandfun71 said:

Granted Florida is...unique.  Cops that'll blink at you once and shoot on the second blink.  Road rage nuts that literally will follow you and shoot you dead.  Hotheads that will attack you at work, on street, in a restaurant, etc.

That being said, I'm glad when I hear a funny noise in the garage that I can grab my .357 and can take care of the problem, if need be.

Scanner Brian, lots of women down here have guns.  I see them at the shooting range all the time.  And a good amount of them are HOT.

August 11, 2008 5:21 PM

jailbait said:

I agree - women and guns are damn hot!

August 11, 2008 10:00 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook will be published in fall 2008. Emily lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with her cat, but just one . . . so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Nicole Pasulka is a Brooklyn writer and editor who's always on the lookout for the dirty. Her other virtual home is at The Morning News, where things are squeaky clean most of the time.

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