As Lou Reed would say, "My week beats your year!"
You'd have had a hard time finding a wilder good time on Friday than the opening night party of St. Petersburg, Florida's Erotic Lounge, which ended in arrests, tears, and a giant penis.
1) The police in St. Petersburg receive a call from a whiny, busybody neighbor regarding a giant penis statue that has been placed in front of the Erotic Lounge, an art gallery.
2) Police arrive and see that there is a penis sculpture, probably seven or eight feet tall, in front of the entrance. They ask the gallery owner to remove his schlong, he refuses, citing its artistic value. Invariably, the cops cannot think of a city ordinance or state law this dick violates, so they leave.
3) Like the sheriff chasing Burt Reynolds in "Smokey and the Bandit," the cops refuse to let a little legality get in the way of cleaning up Florida's increasingly conservative culture. They return later in the evening, with the party in full swing and see, through the glass doors, a nude man suspended from the ceiling in a harness. A sergeant tries to charge through the front door without a permit, the owner tries to block his way, gets tackled by other cops, and is instantly arrested.
4) The cops raid and shut down the party, telling everyone there was a liquor violation and asking to see IDs.
5) Meanwhile, the nude man who is deaf and possibly mentally retarded, does not understand what is going on. He is immediately arrested the "model," as the man called himself, for violating the city rule barring genitals from being in the same room with booze. While being cuffed, the nude man began to cry. "He'll be okay. Misdemeanor charge," an officer told one of the man's friends.
6) The police search turned up the following:
The walls of the gallery were covered in erotic images. One painting depicted Superman in underwear with an erect penis.
Attached to a bathroom door of cloth were signs reading: "Human petting zoo," "Tipping allowed & encouraged," and "Dare to explore." Police said they found a man in his underwear inside the bathroom but nothing illegal.
7) The cop who conducted the raid was interviewed afterwards and asked how he figured out in advance that the gallery was serving alcohol before he kicked the door in to get at the naked man. (In other words, what's your probable cause, since the fact that there was a naked man isn't enough?) His answer:
Collins said the police began an investigation Friday night after hearing that the gallery was displaying genitals while serving alcohol. He would not specify how they knew, saying he wouldn't reveal an investigative tactic.
But because the business has a liquor license, police have a right of entry and don't need probable cause to go inside, Collins said. [Then why didn't you say that first? Hmm... - Ed.]
8) Meanwhile, outside the front door, owner Bill Schramm was being taken into custody, saying:
"Oh, my God," said... Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. "This is the city's response to a penis. That's fabulous."
Florida: fabulous indeed. Read more, via the St. Petersburg Times.
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