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Scanner Emily's Wet, Hot, American Summer: Very Wet, Not So Hot

Posted by Emily Farris

 

Hey guys, remember me? Your old friend, Scanner Emily? I know I've been gone for a while. And I know I promised I'd blog while I was at summer camp, but there was a really slow internet connection, and I was busy eating corn dogs and getting cold sores.

Complete rundown of my last six weeks (and what I learned) after the jump.

It rained a lot in New Hampshire. A lot, a lot. And then there were some tornadoes. And then the power went out and that's about when I gave up on blogging. Oh, and when a packing list says "rain coat," pack a fucking rain coat. (Thanks goodness for LLbean.com).

After drying off and giving into the realization that I'm the oldest camp counselor in the history of the world, I retired to my bunk around 10 most every night. I started getting up at 6 a.m. to train for a 5K, having never been able to run about a block without thinking I'd die of a heart attack. One morning, when out alone, I saw a black bear cross the road I needed to take to get back to camp. I kept my wits, and my feces, about me.

Somewhere in the middle of all this I got a cold sore. Then I got about 12. Was it from making out with cute counselors in the art barn? Nope, it was from sharing my water bottle with a nine-year-old.

What I did do in the art barn was learn book binding. Then I made my own journals. So next time there's a giant cockroach in my room at 3 a.m., I'll write about it there, and spare you the details. Maybe.

I gained 13 pounds. It involved s'mores, and brownies for breakfast, and downing three corn dogs in one sitting. But I don't really want to talk about it. Not even to my journal.

Then I ran the hell out of that fucking 5k. Okay, I came in 104th out of 145 people, but I finished and ran the whole way. And that's something.

So, now I'm back and still adjusting to city life.  So I forgive me if I talk you to like you're children or repeat some things the other bloggers posted while I was away.

P.S. If the first woman VP overturns Roe v. Wade, I'm leaving the country. For real. 

Related:

We're Off to Get Finger Banged at Summer Camp

We Feel a Little Better About the Three Fried Dough Balls We Ate at Dinner

Michael Ian Black Recounts His Own Wet Hot American Summer

Top 10 Childish Things We Wish We Could Get Away With as Adults


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Comments

Mandy said:

Did you have to use latrines and drape mosquito netting over your bed?

September 3, 2008 9:23 AM

Sandy said:

Wait, you can get herpes type...whichever the cold sore one is, from children?

September 3, 2008 10:21 AM

Baron Von Monkeychow said:

It must be nice not to have a real job.

September 3, 2008 11:47 AM

steveowinlow said:

I am so happy that you are back.  This blog will now be less self-righteous and more humorous.

September 3, 2008 12:24 PM

maybeapril said:

Emily, we missed you so much!!!!

September 3, 2008 1:05 PM

fitandfun71 said:

Agreed.  Welcome back, Emily.

September 3, 2008 11:17 PM

lovelorn said:

We missed you Scanner Emily- Welcome back to city life and cockroaches.  Maybe even dickroaches.  I worried about you in the wilds of New Hampshire and hope that your bug phobia wasn't triggered often as I am sure you must have had some dreadful moments. I worried about you often.  I can empathize with you since I have a mouse/rat phobia very similar to yours.  Although, I have never sat bare assed on a mouse and hope to god I never do.  I would surely loose some feces and or pee.  Maybe even the stale beer that is still fermenting.  L. O. L.

September 4, 2008 4:42 AM

About Emily Farris

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, "Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven" was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

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