Did you know there are over one thousand substitutes for the word "masturbation," all created by skateboarding hipster kids in Southern California?
The makers of The Masturbation List did, and shared all 1,000 terms (mainly guys can use) with us. We whittled (!) it down to a Top 10:
10. Slobbin' the Milosevich
9. Answer the bone-a-phone
8. Play with Burt Reynolds' mustache
7. Beef-strokin'-off
4. Ben your Franklin
6. Date Palmela Handerson
5. "Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all..."
4. Lubricate the Lutheran
3. High-five Yule Brenner
2. Our Gang Spanky Marathon
1. Pat the Robertson
And yes, we read all one thousand to bring you this pointless exercise... yes, we have that kind of time...
Honorable mentions: Vote Republican, Bash the bishop, Battle the Cyclops, Rub the rhubarb, Fire the surgeon general; Molest the bystander; Five knuckle shuffle; Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork; and Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace.
Via the Masturbation List. Photo of John Mayer via Celeb Newswire.
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