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Boy Catches Teacher Jerking Off... On The Teacher's Porch

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

The above photo has nothing to do with the story. However, the teacher may have used lotion.

Here's a kid who will certainly be scarred for the rest of his sexual life: he's 16 and walking past his former teacher's house at eleven o'clock at night, when he sees teach sitting there, totally naked, rubbing one out for all the world to see...

According to KMPH in Fresno, the teacher in question is a 57-year-old special ad instructor named Mark Greene. Greene told police that he had been boozing it up and then remembered, "Oops, time to take my prescription medication that specifically says I'm not supposed to drink alcohol with." Then he stepped out onto his porch to "relieve some stress." Great idea, although think maybe you could have stayed inside with your laptop, closed curtains, and fantasies about being whipped by 90-year-olds in diapers?*

"The original call came from a father who stated that his 16-year-old son was in the neighborhood and discovered Mr. Greene sitting on a bench in the front yard of a home. He was fully exposed, fully naked and he was actually masturbating at the time," Jeff Cardinale, Fresno Police Department, said.

When police arrived at the 1500 block of North Poplar, they found Greene just as the child described him.

"He was in fact fully naked and fully erect when officers discovered him about a block and a half from where the original call came out," Cardinale said. 

Best of all is this quote from a student who attends the school that, the following day, Greene was sent home from pending an investigation. We're not sure whether it's a typo or the fact that the student is just a little kid and maybe we're being overly harsh or that the kid's poor sentence structure says more about the local school system than Greene's arrest ever could:

"It makes me feel awkward because he's a man teacher and there's other, so we don't even know if they might do that," Kassandra Solis, student, said. 

Nope. It's just bad typing... read the rest of the story here.

*Actual fantasy unknown

 

Related:

Top 10 Funniest Slang Terms For Masturbation

Penis Iceberg, Right Ahead!

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach Porn Techniques...

The Top 10 Songs About Masturbation

Ayveq the Masturbating Walrus is Dead at 14


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

fitandfun71 said:

The teacher should quit and take a job with Perdue where he can choke as many chickens as he wants in public.

September 12, 2008 5:32 PM

lawstonfound said:

"'Tell her (my daughter) what he did was wrong. It's something nobody should do and that's why he's getting punished,' Moreno said. "

I hope the discussion was that INDECENT EXPOSURE, not just masturbation was "wrong" and "something nobody should do and that's why he's getting punished"

September 29, 2008 9:09 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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