Sarah Palin received a call this weekend from French president Nicolas Sarkozy, or so she thought. It was really a comedian in Montreal, but somehow, even with her extensive foreign policy experience, she let the call go on for five minutes. In fact, even after the comedian said his hot wife was good in bed, and that he loved the documentary on her, "Nailin Paylin," she still had no doubt (er, clue) she was speaking to anyone but President Sarkozy.
Full transcript, and a recording of the entire phone call, after the jump.
A: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.
P: Oh, it's not him yet, they're saying. I always do that.
A: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.
P: Hello, this is Sarah, how are you?
A: Fine, and you? This is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?
P: Oh, it's so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.
A: Oh, it's a pleasure.
P: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.
A: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American adviser Johnny Hallyday, you know?
P: Yes, good. Obviously clueless about Hallyday, who is actually a French actor / singer.
A: Excellent. Are you confident?
P: Very confident and we're thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening and...
A: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?
P: I feel so good. I feel like we're in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow to the finish.
A: You see, I got elected in France because I'm real and you seem to be someone who's real, as well.
P: Yes, yeah. Nico, we so appreciate this opportunity.
A: You know I see you as a president one day, too.
P: Maybe in eight years.
A: Well, I hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common because personally one of my favorite activities is to hunt, too.
P: Oh, very good. We should go hunting together.
A: Exactly, we could try go hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that. Like we say in French, on pourrait tuer des bebe phoques, aussi (that means, approx., could kill baby seals, also)
P: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done. We can kill two birds with one stone that way.
A: I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun. I'd really love to go, so long as we don't bring along Vice-President Cheney. (That comment about taking away life should have been a big clue).
P: No, I'll be a careful shot, yes.
A: Yes, you know we have a lot in common also, because except from my house I can see Belgium. That's kind of less interesting than you.
P: Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.
A: Some people said in the last days and I thought that was mean that you weren't experienced enough in foreign relations and you know that's completely false. That's the thing that I said to my great friend, the prime minister of Canada Stef Carse.
P: Well, he's doing fine, too, and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.
A: I was wondering because you are so next to him, one of my good friends, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois, have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies? (Besides the fact Sirois is a Canadian comedian, there is a Canadian, not Quebec PM)
P: I haven't seen him at one of the rallies but it's been great working with the Canadian officials. I know as governor we have a great co-operative effort there as we work on all of our resource-development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife. Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.
A: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you, even though you know she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.
P: Well, give her a big hug for me.
A: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she's so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you. (Like Sarkozy would tell Palin how hot his wife is).
P: Oh my goodness, I didn't know that.
A: Yes, in French it's called de rouge a levre sur un cochon, or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber...it's his life, Joe the Plumber. (In English it actually means lipstick on a pig.)
P: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism.
A: I just want to be sure. That phenomenon Joe the Plumber. That's not your husband, right?
P: That's not my husband but he's a normal American who just works hard and doesn't want government to take his money. (Except that Joe the Plumber would do better under Obama's plan than under McCain's plan. Oh, and let's not forget his unpaid taxes.)
A: Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit. (Oh, come on, she didn't catch on yet?)
P: Right, that's what it's all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You're a very good example for us here.
A: I see a bit about NBC, even Fox News wasn't an ally as much as usual.
P: Yeah, that's what we're up against.
A: Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know Hustler's Nailin' Palin?
P: Ohh, good, thank you, yes. (Clearly missed that one.)
A: That was really edgy.
P: Well, good.
A: I really loved you and I must say something also, governor, you've been pranked by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.
P: Ohhh, have we been pranked? And what radio station is this?
A: CKOI in Montreal.
P: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.
A: CK...hello?
Related:
Transcript via SNAFU-ed.