Who the hell wants to steal used sex toys? Oh, right: weirdos.
A drunk driver led police on a high-speed chase and after trying to escape from the scene, somehow running over both his legs with his own truck. You just have to read this one.
Even better: almost two dozen people were arrested for underage drinking at a party celebrating the life of a person who died from... underage drinking.
Twilight star Kristen Stewart was photographed smoking pot in front of her house. That's not going to help with her image.
Barack Obama and Sarah Palin will meet (for the first time!) next week.
We can picture it now: the new CBS show "The Psychic Dog." An Ohio police dog bit a man who is accused of dogfighting.
Weirdest concert pairing ever? Jay-Z and Coldplay are teaming up to do three shows in the U.K. next year.
And Scanner Emily herself is the subject of the most recent Flavor of the Week in the New York Press. For the gory details, click here. Personally, we're just glad we were too busy eating casseroles to get caught up in the drama.
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