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While You Were Sleeping: The Gyllenhaal Divorce

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

This week, we're blogging from a quiet beach near Clearwater, Florida... so your news will be a bit more Southern and probably a lot weirder...

The government will finally bail out the public, thanks to up to $800 billion in money being directed toward allowing for more loans to consumers. Great, just what we need, more debt.

There's nothing worse than getting busted for being involved in prostitution and having your face plastered all over the local media. Actually, we take that back: there's nothing worse than getting busted for prostitution and having your face plastered all over the world, plus admit to dating a much, much older doorman who won the lottery and buys you expensive things. Yeah, that will go over well with your childhood community overseas.

Kristen Johnston, who took it off for-- what else-- PETA. And she, uh, mounted a house for the shoot...

Cancer is on the decline in the U.S. for the first time in our history. However, some naysayers are saying that the amount of people being screened has fallen as well... 

We were a little surprised to see Republican Governor Charlie Crist talking "new taxes" in the paper here yesterday. Of course, the top story today? "Gov. Charlie Crist backs off both [tackling a foreclosure freeze and a cigarette tax] after talking to representatives of the banking and tobacco industries." What a whimp.

Even some elected officials were stumped by this challenging US history and government quiz.

One Florida neighborhood's concoction of choice this Thanksgiving? The Molotov cocktail, of course.

How great does Beyonce look as Etta James?

And Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal's parents are involved in a nasty divorce after 32 years of marriage. Mom is about to go bankrupt thanks to Dad not paying his share of their bills... won't someone think of the children(s' careers)? 

Some unlinked stories via The St. Petersburg Times.

 

Related:

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

 

Sex Crimes Prosecutor Charged With Twelve, Count 'Em, Twelve Sex Crimes

 

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

 

Merry Christmas... From the KKK?

 

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

 

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want


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Comments

GeeBee said:

I see you've taken to spelling "wimp" the internet way at Scanner.

November 26, 2008 7:38 PM

Geewhizer said:

I am shocked that PETA would abuse a poor horse to push its worthless cause.  Don't they realize that putting a naked crotch and butt on a horse while forcing it to remain motionless with all kind of lights, probably flashing at that is really cruel and unusual punishment.  At least if the horse was pulling a cart it would be getting fresh air, exercise and real love and not be exposed to the ravages of crotch lice.  Give me a break.

November 26, 2008 10:51 PM

GeeGolly said:

That horse it totally plastic

November 27, 2008 12:41 AM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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