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Teens Identified In Robbery After Mom Walks By

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

Here's your dumb criminals of the month: not only were they caught preparing for the robbery, chased out of the targeted store by a woman with a flyswatter, but after being tackled by a random security guard who was on to them before they even put on their "masks," one of them realized his Mom was one of the gawking bystanders.

The weirdness continues below...

1) Herman Sakaria, a local security guard, was heading toward his car when he noticed two sixteen-year-old males covering over their license plate. Sensing something was up, he lurked in the shadows and watched as the youths put plastic bags over their faces (!) and pulled out steak knives.

2) The youths ran into a store and demanded cash. For some reason, Stuff.co.nz's version of the story insists upon describing the store's proprietors as a "a Korean man and woman" (while, at the same time, ignoring the ethnicities of the culprits and their captor, depicted above in a censored photo taken by an onlooker.)

3) The shopkeepers chased the kids out without using a weapon, apparently, although the woman did beat one of the kids with... a flyswatter. Meanwhile, Sakaria was waiting for the robbers and tackled them as they left the premises. 

4) Sakaria held the boys down until police arrived (in America, the story would've gone: "he eventually was forced to release the boys after twenty minutes because the police hadn't respond to the 9-1-1 call, assuming someone had dialed it at all.") While one of the boys was moaning and groaning under the guard's knee, he looked up and noticed a woman walking by. "Oh shit," he said, "There's my mum."

5) The boys could received up to 14 years in prison apiece.

Coda) The bizarrely-written story concludes:

"Police say the incident is a reminder for Rodney residents to batten down the hatches during the Christmas and holiday period to divert potential robberies and burglaries." 

A reminder based on what? This incident, which closer to theater than crime, is a reminder that someone might burglarize our apartments? Whatever you say, coppers...

 

Related:

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

 

While You Were Sleeping: Update on the Pole Dancing Video Game

 

$108 Mil Transvestite Jewelry Heist

 

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

AnthonyCB said:

"ignoring the elasticities of the culprits and their captor" I assume that you mean ethnicities?

December 19, 2008 11:54 AM

J said:

Germaine and Bret turn to a life of crime to make ends meet...

December 19, 2008 12:05 PM

Brian Fairbanks said:

Yeah, that's our spellchecker for you.

December 19, 2008 12:28 PM

Daniel said:

"in America, the story would've gone: "he eventually was forced to release the boys after twenty minutes because the police hadn't respond to the 9-1-1 call, assuming someone had dialed it at all."

Is that right? Idiot.

December 19, 2008 2:26 PM

blackavar said:

this is the most kiwi story ever on Hooksexup, it's like I'm in wellington again

December 19, 2008 4:00 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

in

about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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