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Famous People We're Afraid Will Die in 2009

Posted by Colleen Kane

 

No one could have called Heath Ledger's untimely demise in 2008, but there are some olds who just take on that look of imminent death, as if their essence is draining away. It won't be long once someone takes on the death look, and no one seems to ever shake it off. Paul Newman had it this year. (RIP, Best Guy to Die in 2008.) The ones with the death look are dancing a tango with the Grim Reaper as we speak. Another dead giveaway is if you are reminded about an older celebrity and can't remember if they're dead or not.

The ones in grave danger, a few wild cards, and an example of the death look, after the jump. 

Old Hollywood: Mickey Rooney -- He is going to be 89 if he makes it to his birthday in September. Unfortch, he has two factors working against him: the death look, and I couldn't remember if he was still alive or not until looking him up. Runners-up: Elizabeth Taylor, Peter O'Toole, Kirk Douglas 

Comics: Don Rickels -- He's got the death look, big time.

If he makes it through 2009, I'll eat my hat. Runners-up: Jerry Lewis, Bea Arthur (too much of a loss to celebrity roasts to contemplate), Phyllis Diller, Carol Burnett

Too Soon: Amy Winehouse -- It wouldn't be surprising if she woke up dead after some party night. I hope not, but it wouldn't be surprising. Runners-up: Swayze -- He's never looked so gaunt; there may be some truth to the rumors that his cancer is getting the best of him.  

Classic Country: Merle Haggard -- He's got the cancer. Lung cancer. Runners-up: Loretta Lynn and Willie Nelson, not because they appear to be on death's door, but because that would be just my luck if they died before I got to see them perform live. (I will forever regret missing out on Johnny Cash.)

Rock and Soul: Fats Domino -- Death look. And I didn't realize he was still alive until he got airlifted out of the Ninth Ward during Katrina. Runners-up: Etta James -- I forgot she was still alive until Beyonce's recent portrayal.

Leaders: Ted Kennedy. Runners-up: Jimmy Carter, Fidel Castro, if he's still alive and not propped up for photo ops a la Weekend at Bernie's, Kim Jong-Il, if he's not already dead with an imposter or several in his place as many news reports have speculated. We have another slight possibility in mind that would also be filed under Too Soon and would involve an assasination, but it's too unthinkable to even write.

Sports: I hate sports, so who the F knowss

How Are They Still Alive: Abe Vigoda

Did I miss anyone obvious?

 

Related:

Wino Goes Topless and We Say No No No

Spoon Or Spork: Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse: A F*cking Disastah

Image: Rickels with fellow "comedian" John Mayer, johnmayer.com/blog


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Comments

Brian Fairbanks said:

I have to agree with the Etta James prediction. As for Fats, he'll live forever-- same with all your leader choices, including Ted Kennedy, the only man who I saw could drink Hunter Thompson under the table.

Also, how the hell have you not seen Willie Nelson? He plays 300 shows a year!

December 29, 2008 8:49 PM

Colleen Kane said:

I know. It's ridiculous at this point. And I don't even live far from Austin.

December 30, 2008 10:48 AM

Apollo said:

Abe Vigoda obviously can't die. Same with Keith Richards. The fuckers are immortals.

As much as it would really suck I don't know that Bob Dylan has that much longer for this world.

December 30, 2008 12:03 PM

allfathersdotter said:

You forgot one really important leader who is starting to get the death-look (I call it the grey-face... also works with people who have fallen off the wagon, heroine included obviously)

NOAM CHOMSKY ... I've been scared of his imminent demise for a bit now, I don't know what the H** we'd do without him.

December 30, 2008 2:55 PM

totalblamblam said:

McCain.

December 30, 2008 3:36 PM

GeeBee said:

Hey last I heard Etta James was way healthier than she was a few years ago. Got the stomach stapled, lost a lot of weight, now performs on her feet again after years of singing sitting down. Now Aretha Franklin, there's a coronary infarction just waiting to happen.

Ditto on the missing Johnny Cash regrets. Also John Lee Hooker performed about ten miles from my house, we missed him (sold the place out, the old dog), and he promptly croaked about two weeks later.

January 5, 2009 2:18 PM

About Colleen Kane

Colleen has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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