You knew the world was in trouble when even prostitution and pornography were suffering from the financial crisis.
Porn may have been the hardest hit-- sales and rentals are down (it's not like you can find DVDs anymore, what with all the stores being forced to close), while free porn sites have reported a jump in web traffic since the downturn began. Hell, even Naughty America, among the most popular of web porn makers, is closing offices and laying (off) employees. But instead of salvaging what remains of America's two oldest professions, Congress instead rewarded banks, institutions that already have all our savings, with all of our tax dollars, too.
Larry Flynt has a much better and far more entertaining solution to the crisis...
“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”
Right here, thanks to the most honest and amusing, Zen-like press statement in history, is reason enough to give Larry and co. all the money Obama was going to set aside for things like Federal highways and, you know, gas for Air Force One.
"...the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people."
"People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."
"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly." [CNN]
God bless Larry Flynt, producer of last year's "Nailin' Paylin"-- without him, one would lose hope in humanity's ability to goof on everyone and everything in the most offensive and/or hilarious ways imaginable. Just check out these (NSFW language!) video highlights:
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