This morning, while working on a post (which I'll publish when I answer this question) I found myself in need of the plural form of penis. Considering I've never really had to deal with more than one at time, the word isn't really a part of my vocabulary.
I decided I would let spell check be my guide and, at first, tried peni, like fungi. That got picked up by spell check. I added another "i." Penii. That, too, got picked up by spell check. While it seemed a little too simple, I tried the standby penises and when I didn't get a little red line, I figured I was in the clear. But just to make sure I didn't look like an idiot (it's happened before) I googled it.
This opened the flood gates. Everybody has an opinion on the plural of penis, though none seem to agree. I decided to ask Scanner Colleen, who once made a living writing about man parts. What followed was utter hilarity and what we think is an appropriate answer.
me: what is the plural of penis?
i can't believe i don't know this.
i thought it was peni
Colleen: peni?
me: ii
Colleen: penises
wait. why am i not sure.
me: but google turns up so many different answers.
Colleen: hahahah
me: exactly! why am i not sure?
Colleen: so many penisy answers
me: seriously. i'm about to FB [Facebook] it
Colleen: it's penises
according to dictionary.com
OR penes
what?!
me: RIGHT!?
Colleen: i am SHOCKED that i never saw that word before
i used to work at naked man magazine!!!
me: hahhhahah
Colleen: just write dongs
We have since determined that "penises" or "penes" is acceptable. (Thanks, Dictionary.com!). I've used "penises" with ease before, but maybe I just panicked, like I did the first time I was faced with one. Once we figure out which word to add to the Scanner Style Guide, you will see penes here later today. Well, you will see us writing about penes (we're not allowed to actually show penes). Or penises, for that matter.
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