Hey guy, listen: saving the world must be hard work, so two points for that. And, seriously, we can still listen to Achtung Baby and not be mortified by how endlessly it played in the car stereos of our youth. So bravo.
But first you call Vice's video channel "punk rock for the 21st century" and now you're hanging out with Criss Angel? And let's not forget your not even bothering to cover up whatever it was you were up to with Penelope Cruz.
Dude. Face the facts. You are getting old. And it's OK. Here's our advice: ditch the shades, call Elvis Costello's tailor, learn how to use Garageband and fer chrissakes, buy your wife the nicest castle you can find. You'll be Sir Rockstar Nobel-Laureate in no time!