Here at Scanner, we are Hasselhoff fans. We don’t need to tell you this. It’s our goddamn blog icon. If you think this is just our kitschy, shallow love of irony, well, then, you probably misunderstand our Richard Simmons throw pillows, too. What we need to tell you is that Hasselhoff has fallen off the wagon. This gives us the sad and lowdown feeling, like Mom and Dad are throwing china plates in the next room. Or like Mom and Dad are chugging lighter fluid to stave off the DTs. But we also send out our support to the Hoff. Along with our favorite high-end vibrators. We find those come in handy in these times of need. (Thanks to Antonio for the link.)