 I don't suppose I have to tell a deeply spiritual bunch like the Hooksexup readership that Jesus' life from age thirteen to thirty is known to Bible historians as "the missing years," a mysterious black hole in the lifeline of the Christian icon. Now, director Drew Heriot (of the feel-good video documentary The Secret) and producer (and self-described "lapsed Catholic") William See Keenan, are planning to fill in the gaps with a movie called The Aquarian Gospel, and apparently they think he was doing more with himself in all that time than just hanging out in the parking lot with his friends turning water into wine and breaking up with his girlfriend. As Heriot points out, "The Bible devotes just seven words to the most formative years of Yeshua's life saying: 'The boy grew in wisdom and stature'." That could probably be said about just about anybody's life from early adolescence to full maturity, except maybe for this boy I knew in junior high named Brad Ard, who made it to his mid-thirties before finally realizing that his mustache just wasn't working. The movie's story is derived from a book published in 1894 by Nicholas Notovitch, who claimed that he was laid up at a Tibetan monastery, recovering from a broken leg, when he discovered records of Christ's visit to the Far East, where he was mentored by holy men (including the three wise men of the nativity story) and fell under the sway of Buddhist teachings, which had the effect of softening some of the harder line attitudes expressed in the Old Testament. (Notrovitch is widely regarded as a hoaxster who filched part of his account from the famous nineteenth-century "psychic" Madame Blavatsky.) The Guardian reports that the movie, which is envisioned as "a fantasy action adventure account of Jesus's life," will be made "using actors and computer animation like 300. . . Although the producers say the film will feature a 'young and beautiful' princess, it is not clear whether Jesus is to have a love interest." — Phil Nugent
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