Sometimes I want to be married the same way I want new shoes -- it's an aesthetic, impulsive desire. I see an attractive, young couple wearing wedding rings, want a marriage for myself, and wish there was a store where I could stop in and buy one. The shopping comparison might seem odd, but as artist Alix Lambert can attest, it is possible to get married without getting out of your car. Further, rectifying a nuptial error with a divorce or annulment has also become, in some cases, extremely customer-friendly.
The sheer convenience of wedding and divorcing was the starting point for Lambert's "Wedding Project," a 1993 art piece in which she married and divorced three men and one woman in the space of six months. Two weddings took place in the New York City courthouse, one at a drive-thru in Vegas, another in Hungary. For her gallery show, all the wedding certificates, divorce documents and wedding portraits were displayed. The installation also included traditional wedding gifts like toasters, as well as moving boxes and two videos. While Lambert insists there are important distinctions between weddings and marriages, ceremonies and commitments, her experiment suggests that, for better or for worse, getting hitched and unhitched in America can resemble a trip to a fast food drive-thru.
My own understanding of marriage is much different. My parents, just turned fifty, still hold hands in public and cuddle at the dinner table. The biggest fight between them I remember involved laundry. They consider their marriage so wonderful it makes them believe in destiny, and look at each other as objects for steady worship.
A really strong marriage is something I want for myself too, so I felt a little uneasy going to interview a woman whose work seemed to brutally demystify the institution. I also knew that the way she makes art is extreme (for her "Male Pattern Baldness" project (1994) she shaved her head and behaved like a basketball coach!) and wasn't sure we'd connect. I wondered if my notions of marriage would strike her as romantic, even fantastic. I wasn't sure if I would share with her my experience of marriage as a safe, fun haven of mutual acceptance and affection. As I walked the final blocks to her house, I tried to quash my romanticism by remembering Marxist aphorisms about how marriage has always been about the arrangement of property and the preservation of patriarchal power. Then I tried to think of all my friends who can't imagine blissful matrimonial union. But finally, when I was about to ring the apartment buzzer, I started to feel a sense of solidarity with her. I realized that whatever differences we had in the understandings of marriage, we did have something in common: we both inhabit a reality far removed from the Elysian bliss of people like my parents.
Once Alix and I started chatting, all the potential disjunctures I imagined proved just that: imagined. Alix was easy to talk to and seems to lead a fairly blissful existence living with her artist boyfriend. She told me about her new project (in which she tattoos friends and acquaintances) and even humored me when I asked -- ever the girl -- to see her wedding dresses.
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How did "Wedding Project" develop? Had you been thinking about marriage?
I originally had the idea in Vegas because I saw this wedding chapel right next to a place where you can get divorced, so I wondered if you could run back and forth and get married and divorced twenty times in a day, which you can't. But it evolved into my questioning how fast you could do the marriage- divorce turnaround. The more critical aspects came in when I started thinking about the institutions involved in getting married. For example, the fact that same-sex marriages aren't legal was something I wanted to include. For the most part though, "Wedding Project" evolved on its own.
How did you find the people you married?
Three were good friends. The fourth was recommended by a friend who I was going to marry -- but he couldn't get a divorce fast enough. He had a friend who wanted to participate, so I married him instead.
How did you feel after you got married? Did you feel like you belonged to somebody? Connected to somebody?
I felt really weird. One of my husbands wrote an article about it, because even though we knew it was an "art" project, it was really emotional, intense and frightening. We started acting really differently to one another. Plus, we knew it was an art project, but we didn't tell other people that. We had this whole other experience of being really aware of how other people treat you as a couple.
Right. You must have been aware of how they read you and your interactions with your "beloved spouse."
Yes. It was good and bad. He wasn't someone I was in love with so we talked a lot about that aspect . . .
Did you have any religious officials at the ceremonies? Did you have to take vows?
No -- about the religious officials. I did have to take vows. Even at the New York courthouse you have to take vows. I just tried to keep them short.
So there were never moments during the ceremonies when you felt something deep . . . or were really emotionally engaged?
A little bit. But two of the weddings were at the New York courthouse which feels really clinical and very unromantic. Vegas and Hungary were a bit different . . . they had more character for sure.
Did you consummate any of the marriages?
Everyone asks that! Better left unsaid . . .
Did you wear wedding rings after each one?
When I married Hadley, my bride in Hungary -- who is an old friend from high school, we wore rings for a while. She is a very close friend.
Did you feel any pangs about breaking the law, since it is illegal to get married under false pretenses?
Well one of the things I think is most fucked up about marriage is the legal aspect. Think of the illegality of same sex marriages! I don't think I have a debt of respect to the legality of marriage so I didn't feel guilty about that. There are certainly good sides to the legal institution of marriage -- I mean making decisions for your spouse if he/she is in the hospital . . . I respect the supportive aspects . . .
So did your own family attend any of the weddings?
No. I didn't even tell them what I was doing until I finished the project, and was having the show.
Were they supportive?
Yes, they were great. In fact, my parents had a really bitter divorce so it was very important to me that they didn't misconstrue "Wedding Project" as something it wasn't.
Did your family history inform this project? What were your ideas about marriage growing up?
Well, I don't know what my consciousness level was -- if I even thought about whether marriage was good or bad. But I grew up with parents who had a very bitter divorce and split up when I was eleven. I certainly didn't have a role model of parents who liked each other. People always see this project and assume I am against marriage -- but that's not it. It's just that marriage is an institution that is reflective of society -- and so there are good things about it and bad things about it. My general feeling after this project was that if you have a good supportive relationship it can make it better and stronger. And if you have a bad relationship I think marriage will intensify that . . .
For some reason the marriage project brought me some relief. There is still old maid syndrome, you know? And your project de-romanticized marriage for me . . .
Oh definitely. I mean I would like to be in a relationship very much like a marriage if not a marriage. On the other hand, I have a really full life and I am busy so I feel like if it didn't happen it wouldn't be the end of the world.
It's interesting to hear about what getting married did to the relationships, but it seems your project explored the ceremonial and legal aspects, and how those yoke together tradition, romance, law, and elements of our culture of convenience.
Yes, I am all for people getting divorced if they have tried to work on their marriage, but I think we have escalated to this point where things are done so quickly, and I wonder how thoughtful people are about making decisions. I mean, in one of my Vegas weddings, I didn't even have to get out of the car. It was literally like going to McDonald's. I don't know what that means, but I am really interested in what the commitment is to the marriage, not the type of wedding. The marriage is way more important than the wedding . . .
Oh, I wanted to ask you what you wore.
I dressed differently for each wedding depending on how it evolved . . . like with my wife we both wore wedding dresses, and my wife had gone around shopping and found these really pretty dresses. There was one wedding that was sort of casual. I wore white slacks. For my Vegas wedding my dress was pretty dated which was nice since Vegas is so '50s.
Was "Wedding Project" important for your career?
Yes, it was the first piece that got a certain level of attention. Francesco Bonami saw it and asked me to be in the Venice Biennale. That was incredibly helpful for my career. It was really great.
It has very good shock value -- four weddings, four divorces in six months, three husbands, one wife. Those statistics were enough to startle me into reconsidering fantasies and romantic ideas about weddings and marriage. If you were to plan a "real" wedding, what would it be like?
It would be small. I would wear a nice dress. I like the dress in the movie It Happened One Night.
I don't know that movie or dress . . . .
I have a picture of it. [shows the picture]
Very nice.
I don't like the idea of having a big wedding. I would like it to be just me my husband, a couple people, and that dress.
How romantic!
Alix Lambert is a New York based artist who often makes art by enacting. More information on Alix and her work is available at https://www.teamgal.com/lambert/
young couple wearing wedding rings, want a marriage for myself, and wish there was a store where I could stop in and buy one. The shopping comparison might seem odd, but as artist Alix Lambert can attest, it is possible to get married without getting out of your car. Further, rectifying a nuptial error with a divorce or annulment has also become, in some cases, extremely customer-friendly.
demystify the institution. I also knew that the way she makes art is extreme (for her "Male Pattern Baldness" project (1994) she shaved her head and behaved like a basketball coach!) and wasn't sure we'd connect. I wondered if my notions of marriage would strike her as romantic, even fantastic. I wasn't sure if I would share with her my experience of marriage as a safe, fun haven of mutual acceptance and affection. As I walked the final blocks to her house, I tried to quash my romanticism by remembering Marxist aphorisms about how marriage has always been about the arrangement of property and the preservation of patriarchal power. Then I tried to think of all my friends who can't imagine blissful matrimonial union. But finally, when I was about to ring the apartment buzzer, I started to feel a sense of solidarity with her. I realized that whatever differences we had in the understandings of marriage, we did have something in common: we both inhabit a reality far removed from the Elysian bliss of people like my parents.
and forth and get married and divorced twenty times in a day, which you can't. But it evolved into my questioning how fast you could do the marriage- divorce turnaround. The more critical aspects came in when I started thinking about the institutions involved in getting married. For example, the fact that same-sex marriages aren't legal was something I wanted to include. For the most part though, "Wedding Project" evolved on its own.
it seems your project explored the ceremonial and legal aspects, and how those yoke together tradition, romance, law, and elements of our culture of convenience.
reconsidering fantasies and romantic ideas about weddings and marriage. If you were to plan a "real" wedding, what would it be like?
