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50. Intersexuals fight for their rights.
51. George W. "Goofus" Bush calls a New York Times reporter an "asshole," earning the admiration of assholes everywhere.
52. Meanwhile, Al "Gallant" Gore decries "cultural pollution."
 53. Providing a prime example, virgin/whore pop vixen Britney Spears coos, "I'm not that innocent" then proves it with a thong-baring rendition of "Satisfaction" at the MTV Video Music Awards.
54. In a Footloose for the new millennium, a Milwaukee high school principal bans dirty dancing then sends parents a letter graphically describing the grind, and suggesting they attend a dance to get a closer look.
55. "I need more sex, okay? Before I die, I wanna taste everyone in the world." (Angelina Jolie, flavor of the year.)
 56. Heretofore het Willow gets a girlfriend.
57. Gang-bang porn star Houston auctions off pieces of her labia after labiaplasty surgery.
58. Pittsburgh man founds NORM (National Organization for Restoring Men) to advocate the restoration of lost foreskins.
59. Foreskin-challenged Joe Lieberman nominated for Vice President.
60. Microsoft gets snipped.
 61. Playboy founder Hugh Hefner demonstrates the limits of Viagra when his fivesome with Brande, Mandy, Sandy and Jessica dissolves.
62. Traditional medicinal bark yohimbe is tested as an aphrodisiac for post-menopausal women. (Tom Jones fantasies still available without prescription.)
63. California Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez courts the Playboy Mansion for a Democratic National Convention money-raiser, but party officials decline to fund like bunnies.
64. HBO's Oz breaks out.
65. Italian cable television station mixes up a Vatican broadcast and a porn soundtrack.
66. Bitter litterateur Dave Eggers (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius) becomes a sex symbol for liberal arts majors who can't decide whether they want to mother him or fuck him.
 67. Angelina Jolie does the same for boys who want to be stripped naked, coated in motor oil, then tied to a bedpost.
68. Long-held myths about the relationship between abstinence and athletic performance collapse when 70,000 condoms are given out in the Olympic Village in Sydney and they still run out.
69. Drag queens march in closing ceremonies, giving new meaning to the term "Olympic flame." |
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