Register Now!
 
LOG IN  |  SIGN UP

Vampires are all the rage these days. With the popularity of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series, HBO's True Blood and the Sweedish vampire movie Let the Right One In, kids everywhere are appropriating vampire culture. No big deal, right? Well, it's no big deal unless you're a real vampire. And in that case, this fake vampire business is some bullshit.

Peter Rugg, from Kansas City's alt weekly, The Pitch, sat down with a few Midwestern vampires and learned that people who consider themselves real vampires actually drink blood (O negative "tastes like a dessert wine!"), that the consumption of blood is better when it's an erotic experience, and that these kids in their Hot Topic trench coats R DOIN IT RONG. 

"A lot of people think they're vampires now," Sylvere says.

"I will say, though, reading those books True Blood is based on, they did their research," Lisa allows. "They even got the flavors of the blood types right."

"There are flavors?" I ask.

Lisa begins. "They got it right that the best one is ... "

"O negative!" they yell out in unison.

"Why is that good?"

"It's hard to describe," Lisa says. "It's sweet. It's like a dessert wine."

"How about AB positive?" I ask, curious if my own blood type

Comments ( 22 )

I always wonder how these people feel during the day when they're selling iPods to hipsters at BestBuy or accounting or whatever they do for money.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 4:14 pm

All these so called "real vampires" don't even see the irony that they're as fake as the teenage kids shopping at hot topic also pretending to be vampires. PATHETIC.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:09 pm

Real Vampires: Ever heard of cannibalism? You're doing it right.

On that note, ew.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:35 pm

Biggest pile of Bajahuma I ever saw on the internet......and I've been here a long time...old fart. O negative my arse....pop the top off of a Snap E Tom, and orgasm, dipst
icks.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:36 pm

Well, they all have one thing in common: they all suck...
Ba-dump-bump-tsssshh!

I'm crying on the inside.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:38 pm

lol at both above comments. And Absolute Truth's comment is great. this article reminded me of the last episode in season 12 of south park. it was about fake vampires and twilight etc, and the goth kids who smoke, of course.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:47 pm

Yeah, I'd love to take you seriously but I can't. Webspeak has no place in an article, even if its just a blog. oh well.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:53 pm

I apologize that the site is not fulling loading (the background isn't supposed to be red). We're working to get it fixed as quickly as possible.

EmilyFarris commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:53 pm

What an absolute joke!!!!!! To quote FARK:
The pretend fake vampires are pissing off real fake vampires.

Legend in their own lunch time. DING DING....

LUNCH IS OVER!!!! LMAO!!!!

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:56 pm

These people, lest they are allergic to Sunlight, are not "Vampires" in anything but claim. And 'Psi-Vampires' are as bad as Fake Vampires, taking their beliefs a step further into an internal fantasy realm.

My condolences to those who suffer from an allergy to sunlight and require blood transfusions - They who abuse your name are undeserving of the fame that they have found through such abuse.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 7:58 pm

Those living vampire wannabees are probably totally pissing off real dead vampires. I'd advise them to avoid 'Salem's Lot.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 8:29 pm

AIDS doesnt care if u think ur a vampire ;)

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 8:41 pm

Knives? These little bastiches don't have real fangs?
You guys can't be serious.
Vampires are wussies.
Bring me one and I'll beat his stupid a$$ to death with a 2X4, and to the head, not neatly shaven to a spike for the old heart.
Just more emu-goth-bs.
I phart in the general direction of vamp-liars everywhere.

Anonymous commented on Feb 18 09 at 8:59 pm

Unfortunately I fear the less informed also link them to Otherkin. Nature spirits and dragons are a bit more out there than humans feeding off each other, but the whole gauche trend should have died a generation ago.

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 2:07 am

Vampirism is real, if only as a fetish.

I'm inclined to think that in the same way some of us feel constantly weak and lackluster, even a tad unwell, when we go along time without, say, being whipped, (or whatever your kink is,) it can effect you extremely negatively.

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 4:52 am

Sparkling vegetarian vampires, it's a f'''xing joke.

The only decent vampire movie this year was Let the Right One In. But how many saw that? Despite that, every vampire movie from now on will be compared to LTROI. Which movie wants to be compared to Twilight?

If Twilight-vampires are the new trend, sorry, but that creature will die. Keep it up LTROI.

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 6:30 am

Didn't they cover this topic, verbatim, in Southpark? OMG this is freaking HILARIOUS! The only thing left out was Clamato. By the way it's EMO, not EMU. EMU is a bird. EMO is a bird brain. The main difference is one has a mental illness (not the bird). I used to date a "real" vampire; she supplemented her bloodlust with Lithium, Ativan, Lorazepam, Thorazine, and Prozac. Anyway to all you "real" vampires, good luck with all your drinking.....

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 8:37 am

I'm alternative and all my friends are, too!

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 10:39 am

The psi-vampire concept is particularly amusing. Who among us *doesn't* "feed" from the energy of people around us? Peach was dead on, though. People with genuine, deep-down fetishes can certainly feel it physically if they go without. Nothing to do with "allergies" to sunlight. (Don't get me started on traditional, folkloric vampires. Nothing to do with sunlight.)

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 2:40 pm

Umm, Cartman,
Emu was a play on words.
Now I'm off to kill Kenny.
Fat a$$.

Anonymous commented on Feb 19 09 at 6:52 pm

Everyone knows that B Positive is the best tasting blood. These real fake vampires are posers!

Anonymous commented on Feb 20 09 at 11:17 am

I'm a clinical doctor and I've studied these "vampires" it appears that the ones who genuienly need to drink blood - though far and few- have a defect which makes them unable to gain as much energy as normal people from the food that they eat. Many have to adapt to a high protein low everything else diet and going for extended periods of time without blood causes them to become fatigued and often causes them to display symptoms simmilar to that of anemics.

Anonymous commented on Feb 21 09 at 12:14 am

Leave a Comment