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Glenn Beck has many sides — the blowhard, the weeper, the DC rally organizer — but perhaps none is more terrifying and strange than Glenn Beck the crazy tenth-grade teacher. You know what I'm talking about: he dons his glasses, grabs his pointer and his crude, childish drawings, and proceeds to explain the entire world with a series of arrows and circles. It's like being back in high school, but worse.

Last night, Mr. Beck returned to explain to America the sex life of Julian Assange, who was arrested today on sexual assault charges not connected to Wikileaks. Beck calls him "a dirtbag" and "a player" indiscriminately, and yet, also gives what is probably the clearest (okay, only) explanation I've seen of what he's actually being arrested for. Which means it's probably worth watching, if you can get past your distaste for Glenn himself. 

Commentarium (13 Comments)

Dec 07 10 - 8:23pm
WTF?

I'm not watching 12 minutes of that dirtbag.

Dec 07 10 - 8:29pm
Twolane

Eventually, the Glen will point to a diagram and it will be of himself demonstrating what a pussy he actually is.

Dec 07 10 - 8:30pm
JH

"Even though we just had sex, you should meet her..." (GB says sarcastically)

...because we all know that when you have sex with someone, you're no longer aloud to speak to others of the opposite sex.

Dec 07 10 - 8:34pm
Alex

Please, don't let the far right trivialize rape, again. I don't know whether the accusations of these women are true or not (and the fact that one of them tweeted about a party doesn't provide evidence either way, whatever Glenn Beck thinks about how women who have been raped should act), but if true they DO constitute rape (not some silly Swedish "sex by surprise" law that no other country has). If a condom is part of consent, and the condom part is taken away, then it turns into nonconsensual sex, i.e. rape. Here's the New York Times:

"According to accounts the women gave to the police and friends, they each had consensual sexual encounters with Mr. Assange that became nonconsensual. One woman said that Mr. Assange had ignored her appeals to stop after a condom broke. The other woman said that she and Mr. Assange had begun a sexual encounter using a condom, but that Mr. Assange did not comply with her appeals to stop when it was no longer in use. Mr. Assange has questioned the veracity of those accounts."

Sound like good old consensual sex to you? Again, not claiming these women are telling the truth, because I have no idea, but the media coverage of this story--on Fox News and Huffpo alike--has seriously degraded the entire notion of consent. Yay patriarchy.

Dec 07 10 - 8:49pm
JH

Furthermore, I wonder if I'm getting this right:

1. The women couldn't have been raped because they are communists.
2. Assange is a dirtbag although his job is quite similar to Beck's, which GB admits here.
3. Assange is a pilot and woman #1 and woman #2 are flight attendants.

This looks like an SLN reenactment that a confused ten year old filmed in his bedroom.

Dec 07 10 - 11:00pm
S

STOP SAYING UBER.
Funny where the video cuts off though.

Dec 07 10 - 11:33pm
SF

Beck hates women more than liberals? Why am I watching this? It's too easy to criticize him.

Dec 08 10 - 3:48am
jb

this made my night

Dec 08 10 - 4:36am
ohu

I think the funniest part is when he implies that Woman #2 is a worthless whore because she fucked someone who is MERELY FAMOUS, and not also rich and good-looking!

Dec 08 10 - 5:45am
Jim

You know, I was on the fence about these rape charges, because while I support JA I do not support rapists (in any sense of the word). I was unsure whether or not I should even consider the women's charges, or disregard them as CIA plants. However, now that Glenn Beck has disregarded them, I can safely take them into consideration. Because Glenn Beck is wrong about everything. Thank you, Glenn.

Dec 08 10 - 6:15am
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Dec 15 10 - 11:14pm
julian.

My favorite part was when he said "consensual business" and when he impersonates the women with high pitched voices. This is the most clarity I have ever heard Glenn Beck speak about a topic, which is kinda sad because he says a lot of stupid shit regardless.
However, the rape charges do seem rather fishy, but I didn't need Glenn Beck to exhaustedly explain that to me.

Mar 07 11 - 8:11pm
kriket1946

as long the blow hard has someone to listen he wiill keep on ranting like sarah plain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!