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Sep 21st, 2005
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Hooksexup consulting editor and Babble editor-in-chief Ada Calhoun has been a frequent contributor to the New York Times Book Review, a contributing editor and theater critic at New York magazine, and her softball team's MVP.

Comments ( 7 )

In the '50's, co-workers fucked each other all over the place. Have a look at "The Apartment", when such behavior was well-established by the early '60's. The guys got reputations as rakes, and the gals were treated as dirty laundry.

How to avoid fucking at work? Might as well avoid fucking.

Aside from asking obvious questions, what was the point of this essay?

TB commented on Sep 23 05 at 11:52 pm

After 20-some odd years in the advertising industry, one wrought with sexual harrassment issues, I've had my share of frustrations in this area. In LA, sexual harrassment issues seemed fairly plain and simple. I never ran into any trouble with flirtations or after work meetings. The harrassment cases I was made aware of which were more than few and far between were restricted to bosses coming on to subordinates physically, and directly demeaning comments designed to devalue a person's position. It was not until moving to Seattle that I was called to HR numerous times. I had been dating a coworker for the first time in my life which I guess was my first mistake. Another girl I flirted with at work came by to say goodnight while I was working late with a team member, let's call him Bob. Later Bob asked me if I was "fucking" two girls at work. We had a laugh about it, thinking we were alone. Next day, I got called to HR to find out that a woman on the other side of a wall heard our little conversation and thought it was a good reason to get me fired. The next time, a couple years later I asked a girl out on a date at a new job. She said no and I respectfully accepted her choice and we went back to a cordial working relationship. I'll spare you all the details but she ended up reporting me to HR with a laundry list of false accusations and charges. Out of these experiences, I've come to realize how to handle sexual harrassment in the workplace. It is not by adhering to any of the unnatural coporate harrassment training manuals or memos but by choosing to stay out of the corporate world. Of course, in the present day corporate society, I could easily be labeled a misogynist. I know for myself the truth is all corporate positioning is driven by financial motives. This is contrary to the human experience which is, on a base level, human! Does that sound silly? I have the utmost respect for women and see all people as equal. Equal in their rights to respectful boundaries and opportunities. Corporations would like nothing more than to have their employees be completely non-sexually driven robots that never get depressed, distracted or horny because those traits translate into loss of profits. I may sound cynical to some people who love their corporate job, but what I've found to work for me has been to work for myself or work for small, laid-back companies that understand that businesses are made up of people; people who feel and breathe and need to find genuine ways to interact with each other in a healthy and human way.

jb commented on Dec 02 05 at 4:02 am

First of all, I love this article.

Here's what I don't understand: can't you have a flirtatious relationship with a co-worker, one that perhaps blossoms into a great friendship, and not act on it?

So you flirted. So you were attracted to each other. Surely there have been dozens of other relationships like this in your life and not all of them have ended in sex.

So why the need to do it in the office, or any other community you're a part of (your synagogue, your tennis club, etc) where if things go badly there's going to be tension.

And especially in an environment where everyone's competing with each other, like an office, the appearance of impropriety must be avoided at all costs, it seems to me.

What I'm saying is, can't sexual harassment manuals be greatly simplified. Is it infantile to say: Don't have sex with your co-workers?

Dan commented on Apr 09 10 at 10:00 am

I think it's odd that none of the author's employers eventually noticed her high productivity/efficiency and gave her more work/responsibilities...

Sam commented on Apr 09 10 at 3:58 pm

"My twentysomething friends and I are so confident about how genderless and classless and egalitarian we are that we don't notice we're stumbling into traps that people in the '50s with their rigid rules and gender divide avoided with a slew of unspoken codes." This just seems silly. Genderless? Really? And stumbling into traps? It sounds a lot like the "I was drunk" excuse. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions instead of pretending you didn't know any better. I don't really understand the point of this article and I wish I could have my time back!

ak commented on Apr 09 10 at 11:50 pm

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" should be the f'ing mantra for anyone in corporate America...and yet, the same retarded 'valuable assets' self-destruct their sole means of living, piss away marriages, mortgages, etc w/out the sleightest inklink of common sense.

Who signs your paychecks? Why are you there to get said paycheck? Own that...

JT commented on Apr 10 10 at 3:09 pm

For those that asked what the point of this article was, I think a big point of it was to entertain--and that worked for me. I thought the voice of the writer was warm and quirky, like that of someone I'd like to talk to in person. I thought the writing was clever and the scenarios interesting. I loved the image of the writer's boss standing in the doorway of her small office, watching the tense silence between her and her fellow archivist.

I agree some of the lessons the essay is trying to tell us are pretty silly. I don't come to Hooksexup for good life advice. I also agree that it sounds like Calhoun didn't spend a lot of time thinking about her conclusions at the end, so that part wasn't as interesting and satisfying as I would have liked.

I do come to Hooksexup to see what it would be like to do all the things I'd love to do against my better judgment--like bone my coworkers. And I got a great, funny picture of that.

Edna commented on Apr 11 10 at 4:40 pm

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