Scanner is gay. No, Scanner is straight. Scanner hates you. No, Scanner hates David Hasselhoff! This message is being written by Ann Coulter, who is cackling as she clicks away on the keyboard, and also somehow rubbing her hands together greedily, because Ann Coulter has four hands, didn’t you know that, and only one of them is a penis. But what Ann Coulter is trying to tell you here is that Ann Coulter was hacked. Spencer and Heidi forever!!!!