We have seen our bottom, and its name is Tila Tequila. For some time, approximately five billion years, we have watched more crappy dating shows than a grounded teenager. We are familiar with dating shows of the Paleozoic Era, such as Match Game and Love Connnection, and those of the Mesozoic Era, such as Blind Date and Change of Heart. Recently, we’ve been binging on VH1 dating shows. Their combination of kitsch, minor celebrity, and outright trashiness has triangulated the G-spot in our television viewing experience. Pick-up Artist? Sold. I Love New York, the first season? Sold! Rock of Effing Love? It’s a done deal. And so with new fall weather comes a new fall dating show. A bisexual dating show! And now, for the shocking reveal? We can’t watch it.
A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila is possibly the worst dating show we’ve seen in a while. (Worse than Exposed? No, nothing is worse than Exposed.) But it’s a disappointment, because a bisexual dating show is a good idea. Hell, we’ll say it’s a great idea, and in a world where a midget landed his own dating show (don’t tell me you’ve forgotten The Littlest Groom), it boggles the mind that it took THIS LONG to capitalize on what The Real World has been doing for a decade now. Namely, getting hot, drunk, naked people of the opposite sex in a hot tub and letting their private parts slug it out.
But there are problems. The first problem is the woman they are slugging it out for. We haven’t gotten back the DNA results yet, but we’re pretty sure Tila Tequila is a robot. She may possibly be a pull toy. “Are YOU ready for a shot at love?” says the robot, before placing a key around the other robots’ necks. It doesn’t help that she is a “MySpace celebrity.” In the pantheon of fame--global leaders and brilliant scientists being at the top, followed by Britney Spears and Oprah, followed shortly by Alton and CT from Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno--“MySpace celebrity” may have the rare distinction of bringing up the rear. It is the lowest form of celebrity. Agree? Disagree? We’ll be glad to hear your thoughts. We really haven’t thought this out. (Oh, wait, we just thought of a form of fame lower than MySpace celebrity. Blogger.)
The point is that we tuned in to this show, ready to get sucked in to the tsunami of trash and silicone and hair gel, and we couldn’t do it. Couldn’t. Do. It. This happened to us with The Real World at one point. This happened to us with The Hills. And now, it is happening to us with dating shows, courtesy Tila Tequila. Somebody turn on CNN! Somebody hand us The Economist! Wow, this has been a long time coming. We almost feel as if we owe the bitch a debt of gratitude.