It was a slow week here at Scanner, what with the Hooksexup Holiday Gift Guide coming to an abrupt stop and Scanner Emily stuck first in an airport, then in Christian County with a bad internet connection. But, hey, we learned some very important things about R. Kelly, ourselves, and unfortunately, our families.
Highs:
We found a way to make some quick cash.
More "high" than "highs," but this guy.
Someone with more time on his hands than us rounded up R. Kelly's greatest metaphors.
Lows:
We found out our mom is way sluttier than we are.
Uh oh. The Catholic high school girls got into some trouble. And we watched.