After all the Sarah Palin rumor mongering that swept the blogosphere—and then the mainstream media—in the last week, we got a little scared by how easy it would be to start a rumor when one has a blog with a decent readership. Then we got a little excited by the idea. We were turned on by the power. But then we realized it would be wrong. Okay, we always knew it was wrong, but we realized we could get in trouble. In the end, though, making up rumors about someone we don't like is just too much fun to pass up. But it's wrong. So instead of starting rumors about Sarah Palin, we'll just tell you the rumors we thought about starting.
Ladies and gentleman, here you have it: the top 5 completely untrue (to our knowledge), absolutely false rumors we would make up about about GOP vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, but won't.
5. When the McCain camp got in touch with Palin about the vice-presidency, they told her she'd have to get rid of her Hummer. She was super upset, she said, because she felt like it was the only place she could get some alone time on her way to and from work and Wal-Mart.
4. Sarah married Todd Palin because she was pregnant with Track (okay, this one might actually be true, but we have no proof).
3. Sarah has a tattoo of Alaska right where her ass meets her back, on the left side.
2. Sarah once made out with Anne Heche while Heche was in town filming "Men in Trees." Palin later wrote Heche an email telling her how much she liked it.*
1. The media has it all backwards. Trig isn't the son of Bristol, he is Sarah's baby. But he is the son of Levi Johnston (Bristol's boyfriend). Sarah has been having an affair with Johnston since he was 13. Palin became pregnant with Johnston's child in the summer of 2006, but aborted it in the first trimester. When she got pregnant again, she felt too guilty to abort, especially considering it was conceived in her favorite place ever: her Hummer. Eventually, Johnston fell in love with Bristol and Sarah thought it would be a good idea to let the two date. Johnston claims he was always in love with Bristol and that Sarah Palin seduced him (against his will) one summer; Sarah claims otherwise.
Related:
*This one's for you, Baron von Monkeychow.