Maybe you wonder why I'm single. Or maybe you don't. Either way, I'm going to show you. Plus, since it's Friday, you deserve a good laugh.
I decided to compile the worst (er, best?) of the messages I received from an online dating site this week. And as I Twittered yesterday, "Dear men who are online dating: if you have to tell me you are "smart, funny, clever" chances are you're, not. Sorry to break the news."
First, this form letter from an older gentleman douchebag.
Subject: Yes there is a secret to happiness
So, know that I am a dynamic and diversified well experienced delight. And no, you will NOT be falling in love with me but yes, there will likely be golden moments to treasure.
Expect a guy who likes cats, is well traveled, knows that we were born in differing years and will forgive you for your comparitive youth and inexperience providing that you too are delightful and can carry a conversation, be intriguing, are not afraid of being with someone that society would frown on you associating with due to the age differential, but it is OK if you keep the door ajar in our lives knowing that for the rest of your life you can call upon me to solve situations, open doors, dissuade others from being a pain in the ass, or make problems emulsify and disappear on demand.
Ask me about my exquisite poetry, the German Prince, a Maltese Diplomat, the Island in the South Pacific, Niagara Falls, the United Nations, the Pyramid of the Sun near Mexico City, or teaching college and I will give you a true story.
Perhaps over a beverage. . .
This next one wasn't so bad (my profile says I am "really good at fixing shit" and also like to cook) until the last part. Perhaps I can help him fix his space bar?
I'd love it if you cooked for me while helping me do some dry wall or texture matching;) Love your profile, dig your pics. You seem like one badass , beautiful chic!I'm a nice, smart, down to earth, fun, loving guy! Hope you'll holler back!
Then there was this guy who I did NOT write back. Don't you think it sort-of sounds like a Nigerian email scam?
Thanks for writing me back,Honestly When i first saw your Profile i was intrigued! also with polite profile, You're a beautiful woman and i really admire that very much. First you have to understand that all that glitters aren't Gold but when i see a pure diamond i won't hesitate to jump on it. silly me with cute joke lol .
Am Currently in West Central Africa- Working on a ( Casino Project ) being here over a month , I have 1 week to return to the States. I will like to get to know more about you and see where this leads too - feel free to ask me questions - i will be glad to answer and tell you more about myself , I enjoy good conversation.I want you to Know That the Distance should not be an Obstacle ok..We can always try and work things out.. We Can Only make it if we try...
I Really don't think distance is a negative factor for a lasting relationship - Understanding and Clicking matters a lot -- Do you honestly think we can make magic.. Am in search of an Ideal Woman!! Someone to share my passion and love for. If you think you're worth it.. Let's make magic
You have my Attention! I will write a lot about me on my next email - this is just a tipsy.
Chris G
PS! I Appreciate you writing me back , Lets have Online conversation Through Yahoo I'M. My Screen Name ''chris_xxxxxx"
Wouldn't you think that if one is using ONLINE DATING that one could GOOGLE one of the sexiest men of all time?
Who is Michaeal McDonald?
Pardon my inculture, but I have no idea.
And tell me more about your dog. How are things? I'm considering taking one next year but since I want to travel in 2 or 3 years, I know I shouldn't.
Also, you think you'll get away without writing me, whereas, no no, it's highly inacceptable! :-)
In other terms, yes, absolutely, I'd love to read from you.
Ok, bon weekend et peut-être à bientôt.
Keep in mind, dear readers, that all of these men (according to their profiles) are Americans whose first language is English.
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