Editor's note: Starting this week, Hooksexup Film Lounge reviews and interviews will be folded into Screengrab.
Here's the score: Jumpers are people that can teleport. Bet you'd like to know how — well, too bad. Paladins are people who have been trying to kill Jumpers "since medieval times." Why? Couldn't tell you. Samuel L. Jackson says that, "Only God should have the power to be in all places." He usually says it as he unwraps a giant knife from some dusty cloth before stabbing a Jumper. I don't know if that's the Paladin motto or something. Jumper, as a movie, doesn't really tell you too much. It doesn't do much of anything, for that matter. Director Doug Liman opens the movie opens by having Hayden "Little Annie" Christensen talking about all the cool stuff he's done teleporting about the world that morning. We don't actually see Christensen doing these things, which might've helped engage us right off the bat. But Jumper tells instead of shows — and then, about a third of the way through, stops doing either.
It's a shame. The world is an exciting place, and watching people who can go anywhere in a flash should be the basis for a beautiful spectacle. Jumper doesn't show you the world though. Christensen and the movie's one other jumper, the wooden Griffin, tend to return to the same locales over and over. The Sphinx is a neat setting twice, but six times? The characters don't fare much better than the settings. Christensen's high-school love Millie (Rachel Bilson) doesn't even speak much — she just tends to look bewildered and nods a lot — and Jackson isn't particularly threatening or empathetic, since we never find out why he hates those damn Jumpers so much. I'd say that Liman missed a great opportunity with Jumper, but it feels like he did the best he could with a script about nothing. So congratulations are due to writers David Goyer, Jim Uhls and Simon Kinberg, who've managed to write — amazingly — the worst scenes Hayden Christensen and Samuel Jackson have ever shared. — John Constantine