First, I must extend heartiest congratulations on behalf of the Screengrab to our colleague Paul Clark, who absolutely smoked the rest of us in the Oscar pool. Next year I’m giving my ballot to my dog (who didn’t much care for the bee montage, by the way).
Secondly, who agrees with me that the Oscars are ten times more enjoyable here in the DVR age? The ceremony clocked in at about an hour and fifteen minutes for me, after zapping through the commercials, Enchanted musical numbers and acceptance speeches in languages I couldn’t understand. The purists may frown on my methods, but I know the Academy Awards well enough by now to take matters into my own hands. Herewith, the top five moments:
1. Although technically not part of the Oscar ceremony itself, the nine hours of red carpet nonsense preceding the telecast is always good for at least one squirm-inducing, soul-shriveling moment, and who better than former actor and current crazy person Gary Busey to deliver it? And it’s always fun to see Ryan Seacrest’s smug façade dissolve into sheer terror. After watching this clip, picture Ben Affleck fuming at the Spago after-party, telling a sympathetic Seth Rogen how he’s gonna kick Busey’s ass.
2. Jon Stewart’s monologue wasn’t a nonstop rollicking roller coaster of laughter, but it got the job done. Sure, it’s a little disappointing that the writer’s strike ended and we weren’t able to see the full 12-minute version of the “waking up from a dream” montage, but two magic words make it all worthwhile. And those words are, of course, Gaydolf Titler.
3. Tilda Swinton’s win for Best Supporting Actress was my first clue that I wouldn’t be taking home the new Cadillac in the Screengrab pool, but it did provide one of the night’s best acceptance speeches. It’s not just any respected British actress who can work both her agent’s buttocks and George Clooney’s bat-nipples into her speech.
4. If you aren’t happy for Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, then…well, you probably wrote the songs from Enchanted. Hansard’s heartfelt exhortation “Make art! Make art!” sounded like the most subversive words ever spoken on the Oscar stage, and Stewart’s intervention to allow Irglova to make her speech after the orchestra rudely played her off was a clear victory for the good guys.
5. Most of us probably never thought we’d see the day that Joel and Ethan Coen would be anointed Hollywood royalty, but they took the honors with typical deadpan good humor. We still want to see Henry Kissinger: Man on the Go.