This is not the first time I've seen Conquest of the Planet of the Apes in a theater. I caught it during its original release, but being five years old, I didn't really pick up on the whole Black Power thing. I was probably just excited to see monkeys running around in jumpsuits and setting people on fire. In fact, that's still about as good as it gets for me, which goes a long way towards explaining why I had so much fun at the Fantastic Fest screening of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes: The Unseen Cut.
Why "unseen"? Well, it seems the first version of the film, which has not been seen in this country since it was test screened back in 1972, was a little too violent and disturbing to earn a PG rating. But as part of the 40th anniversary celebration of the Apes series, 20th Century Fox is releasing a new DVD boxed set containing all five orginal Apes movies in Blu-Ray, including the original version of Conquest complete with the nine minutes of footage that had been trimmed following those test screenings. This is the version that screened at Fantastic Fest.
There are certain drawbacks to watching Conquest in high-definition. The later Apes entries were produced on a considerably lower budget than the original, which means that Roddy McDowell is basically the only actor onscreen who gets the full makeup treatment. It's more obvious now than ever that most of the supporting chimps, gorillas and orangutans are wearing cheap latex masks. But by the time you notice that, you've already had to suspend quite a bit of disbelief. The premise: In the far-off future of 1991, all the dogs and cats have died off from a virus brought back to Earth by the astronauts. Missing their pets, humans adopt cute widdle chimps and such, but the apes prove to be such quick learners, their masters soon retrain them to be servants - or to put it more bluntly, slaves. (Sure, it sounds cruel, but if I could train my lovable li'l chibeagle Maury to fetch me a beer and take out the trash, I'd do it in a heartbeat.)
Unbeknownst to the human government, Ceasar (Roddy McDowell), the son of the chimpanzees who arrived from the future Planet of the Apes in the previous movie, is still alive and living in a circus operated by Armando (Ricardo Montalbon). Sickened by the enslavement of his fellow apes, Ceasar leads an uprising against their human overlords.
This, of course, is a time paradox. If Ceasar's parents had not come back from the future Earth ruled by apes, he would not have been born in the past and thus could not have led the rebellion that caused that planet of apes in the first place. Again, this is something I didn't consider when I was five.
The whole "race war" allegory also flew over my head at the time, though it's inescapable now. That's especially true in this restored version. I can't cite chapter and verse as to the differences between this and the Conquest released in theaters and subsequently on video, but the climactic ape riot is definitely more violent. There's a lot more blood - although it's fakey Technicolor blood - and the shots of gorillas bludgeoning humans to death are greatly extended. The biggest difference is in McDowell's closing speech, which, I am reminded, is just fucking awesome. So awesome I must quote it in its entirety:
"Where there is fire, there is smoke. And in that smoke, from this day forward, my people will crouch, and conspire, and plot, and plan for the inevitable day of Man's downfall - the day when he finally and self-destructively turns his weapons against his own kind. The day of the writing in the sky, when your cities lie buried under radioactive rubble! When the sea is a dead sea, and the land is a wasteland out of which I will lead my people from their captivity! And we will build our own cities, in which there will be no place for humans except to serve our ends! And we shall found our own armies, our own religion, our own dynasty! And that day is upon you NOW!"
Pause. Deep breath. Anyway, you may recall that the theatrical release quickly backs off from this moment. Apparently the test screenings did not go well, so some additional McDowell dialogue was dubbed over the final shot, some crap about "Now we put down our weapons and rise above it all and blah blah blah." Screw that noise. Long live Planet of the Apes!
Related:
Fantastic Fest Review: "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"
When Good Directors Go Bad: Planet of the Apes (Tim Burton)