Okay, so American Idol has just announced that its auditions for next season will start in July. But while pretty much anyone in the right age range can try out, it takes a lot to do it successfully... even just to pass the first hurdle and be selected to go on camera in front of Simon, Randy and Paula. Well, we're no experts, but we do watch the show on TV. So we feel as qualified as anyone to offer the following advice to you would-be Kellys, Davids and Sanjayas out there:
Come prepared. There's a lot of waiting around before Idol auditions, much of it outside in harsh weather conditions. And yet when you're called before the producers, you'll be expected to look as fresh as if you just walked in from a climate-controlled limo parked in front. Bring water, food, folding chairs, blankets, sunscreen, entertainment, friends -- everything you'll need to sit around for hours on end without getting grumpy.
Look hot. Idol will give a chance to great-looking people who sing okay, or great singers who look as if they need a makeover. What they won't accept is okay singers with mediocre looks. If you're sexy, dress sexy; if you're sweet, dress sweet. If you're a guy, dress casual-hip and be well groomed. Unless you have an Aretha high note or a Clay Aiken croon, it helps a lot to be potential eye candy for Simon and/or Paula.
Have a story. Idol loves interesting back-stories, especially ones about overcoming hardship. Living through a disaster, growing up poor or surviving a serious health condition are all gold where the producers are concerned. (If you look good and sing okay, they may also accept growing up on a farm in a tiny town, having a relative in the military, or being a young parent.) Don't make up a story, but if you've got one, use it -- you're much more likely to make it past the early judges to the big show. (On the other hand, if the producers decide your story is that you've become instant friends with the nerdy, overweight guy standing in line next to you, you're doomed.)
Have personality. This doesn't mean big and show-bizzy -- it means be nice, friendly and energetic. Look the producers in the eye and talk to them. Be confident, even if you don't feel it. Smile like you mean it. If you're the least bit shy, they know Simon will say you're "boring" and send you on your way.
Pick a great song. Have friends -- or, if possible, a professional musician or singing coach -- help you pick a catchy, preferably modern song that works well with your voice. Practice it forever, to the point where you can't screw it up even when you're nervous. And have another couple of songs prepared as well, in case someone wants to hear "a different side" of you. (If you do an old hit by Frank Sinatra or Janis Joplin, they may put you through as a novelty -- or they may just send you home.)
Be a great singer. It helps to take lessons and practice a lot, but also requires natural talent. Sorry.
If you're going to suck, suck big. Hey, maybe you have no talent and you know it -- you just want to get on TV. (Yes, we know how many of you are out there.) These days, you can't just be bad; the Idol producers have seen that all before. You need to be monumentally bad -- with weird clothes, an oddball personality, and, of course, a fierce, unshakable conviction that you're actually the greatest singer in the known universe. If you can fit looking funny, dancing poorly, singing horrendously and pitching a great big tantrum all into 30 seconds, they'll play your segment over and over for months to come. Hey, you asked for it.
Photo: AmericanIdol.com