As you may remember, we were big fans of HBO's new vampire series True Blood. (Actually, the other day, we figured out why: it kinda reminds us of Creepshow!) But not that many people watched its pilot, so the question becomes: will its audience grow or will it sink into the bayou the way John From Cincinnatti fell silently into the surf?
To help us answer this question, we've consulted some of the smartest people we know: a couple of newlyweds, both of whom are dramatists of some sort or another, and both of whom are becoming reacquainted with TV for the first time in a long while right as they're going through their first year of marriage. They are K & J, they are Married... With Television, and the questions before them are: Will they continue to watch True Blood? and Will it tear their marriage apart?
(The answer to the latter is most likely "No," even though they do get into a wee dustup while watching it, but, you know... we wanted our intro to end on something dramatic.)
K (the male): I didn't go for it. Bad performances and bad bayou accents all around -- except for the lovely Anna Paquin.
J (the female): I totes went for it. I can't remember the last episode of anything during which I didn't multitask. But I went so far as to yell at K, who had to make a phone call in the middle of the show. A business call! After 8 minutes (yes, I counted), I’d had enough and demanded he get off his call so we could watch the rest.
K: J looked at me like I was a vampire when I finished my call. Should have just let her watch the rest without me.
J: We fought, I stormed out of the room, and then I STILL came back to finish the episode, which we finished in a tense silence. I still liked the show.
K: Sometimes the writing was last-few-seasons-of-Six-Feet-Under bad.
J: Completely. The writing was bad. The kinda stereotypical backwoods, Louisiana trash, hick dialogue should have sent me reeling. And yet, at one point Sookie Stackhouse said something like, "Lordy loo, Sunny May" to a vampire -- well not that but something like that -- and instead of hating it, I found it adorable. She's adorable. Is she the whole reason I liked the show?
K: Yes. The most compelling thing about the show was not the fangs on the vampires but the gap between Anna Paquin's teeth.
J: The only thing I found more captivating was the excellent bra she wore. I'm sure she's naturally perky, but they were beautifully up and out under that skin tight white T. I will tune in again for Anna. We'll see how long that lasts. I tune into Weeds for Mary-Louise Parker, but she has staying power for me. Will I crush as hard on Anna Paquin?
K: No. Not even Anna's cuteness can overcome writing and direction this bad. I vote no.
J: I vote yes. Cuteness always wins for at least two episodes, right? * (Is it weird that I'm the one in this relationship with the girl crushes?)
*We just want to note that this is probably the most incisive observation on television ever published on this blog.
PREVIOUSLY:
Did "True Blood" Tank?
"True Blood": HBO Gets A Cool Adult Comic Book Show After All
Top Ten New Shows: #2 - "True Blood"