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"True Blood": Is There Anybody Who Ain't Fucking Vampires These Days?

Posted by Bryan Christian

Yet again a lot of yapping on True Blood this week, but the final 15 minutes of last night's episode were punchy and funny enough to keep us coming back, despite all the clunky and repetitive exposition. ("Don't ever sneak up on a vampire!" Puuuhhhhleeezzzze.) So a mixed bag -- but we think we've figured out the best way to improve this somewhat unfocused show: make it all about Lafayette.

The Creepshow vibe that we liked so much in the pilot came back a bit this week, with Sookie being menaced by d-bag redneck vampires in the opening scene and finding her coworker Dawn dead in the final one, but all in all this ep had sex on its mind way more than monsters. Tara and Sam -- who are having a pretty awful time of it, what with her being in love with Jason and having a crazy drunk mom that wants to kill her and him being in love with Sookie and not hiding his lycanthropy to Jesus Christ ANYBODY with half an eyeball -- decided to let off some steam by getting it on, which was a development that we liked because, well, reminded us of college. Jason and Dawn continued their purely physical thing as well, though it seems unlikely that they'll continue what with him not being able to keep it (yeah, *it*) due to his growing vampire obsession and her being dead now and all. (Second gal to get humped by Jason and buy the farm, huh...)

And then of course there's Sookie, who basically spent her time this week dreaming of having sex with Bill and touching herself. Apparently the fact that she's a virgin makes her that much more delicious a prospect to Bill's sleazy vampire pals, which makes us think that they should just get to the fangbanging as a precautionary measure, right? Sure. Still, we're not expecting that to happen till at least the end of the season, particularly if Bill keeps yapping about all this vampire shit and how he wants to kind of go straight and blah blah blah. We'd sort of hoped that what with Anne Rice leaving New Orleans and all that there'd be a little less of this vibe in True Blood. Alas.

The best thing about this week without a doubt was that we got to spend a bit of time with Lafayette, who we realized was that cousin of Tara's that went with her to that party last week -- not sure why we missed that, other than it's sort of unbelievable how much his guy gets around -- and who we learned this week is, in addition to being a short order cook and a road crew member, also a drug dealer and occasional escort. (See what we mean?) So, when Tara had to flee from her drunken mom's crazed, abusive behavior, she went to his place to crash and smoke a little herb, pausing only long enough to say 'hey' to the congressman on his way out the front door. And when Jason decided that he'd had enough of his little fang not extending and Dawn kicking him out of her bed, he went to Lafayette's place to pick up a little v-juice -- and wound up gyrating in his underpants on video as a down payment. All the while Nelsan Ellis, the truly gifted actor who plays Lafayette, was tossing zingers and finessing language with skills that not even Little-Miss-Oscar-Winner has yet matched. (Also, he used the word "looka", as in a Creole version of "lookie here," which made our New Orleans-born wife giddy.)

We're starting to think this show is a mess -- too much yammering about obvious plot complications and the supernatural, a lot of red herrings, and not enough actual drama -- and it's tempting to say that it reminds us of Six Feet Under, with its spastic fits of oversharing and violence mixed with hours of navelgazing, the starts and stops of raw emotion that characterized that show. But in fact, what we were reminded of last night was creator Alan Ball's 1998 film American Beauty, which may have seemed like a daring social drama when it was released but now -- with its rat-a-tat insult gags, too-square suburban setting, and pat (if depressing) moral core -- plays like an overarticulate, not terribly funny sitcom episode. Which is what it is; Ball had just spent years toiling in comedy writing rooms, and the contempt that he felt for that style of storytelling was palpable. Ball's doing something similar here -- working with generic conventions familiar to many -- but his footing is far less sure in the world of vampires (and possibly the South) than in the world of wacky neighbors, and we suspect that he's more enamored of the vampire-as-metaphor than vampire-as-vampire. Which is too bad, because his cast isn't quite up to making up for his disinterest. Except for Ellis, of course, who we suspect could convince us to take our clothes off on a webcam too. As long as he's onscreen, True Blood is a living, breathing thing; when he's away, it's like the living dead, going through the motions.

but what Ellis is doing with his role should not be missed.


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About Bryan Christian

Bryan Christian has worked as a writer for Epicurious, GenArt and ID magazine; a web producer for WWD and Condé Nast; and a cameraman for his friends. He's married and lives in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn.

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Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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