We want mommy. Not our mommy though (homegirl is in South Carolina right now, packing up a lovely care package for yours truly. Love you Mom!). Right now, we want John Connor’s mommy. The Sarah Connor we know and love, the ass-kicking bitch who takes no prisoners.
This week she takes a prisoner . . .
a 9 year-old kid named Martin Bedell. Little Martin has the same name as a future resistance fighter who will (or already has, or will have . . . thank you time-travel for confusing us grammatically once again) save John Connor’s life. Predictably, an extra large Triple-8 robot from the future comes back to kill the future badass Bedell. 9 year-old Martin will probably grow up to be a plumber or something, nonetheless, the Triple-8 wants him dead.
While Uncle Derrick and John go to military school to protect the real Martin Bedell, Sarah kidnaps little Martin and keeps him safe by stroking his hair and reading him bedtime stories. Granted mama Connor does have one moment of seriousness in which she shoots the triple-8 in the face with a sawed-off shotgun, but otherwise she’s basically making some kid milk and cookies.
John on the other hand, grows a pair this week. Uncle Derrick concocts some stupid plan to lure the Triple-8 into a military school trap. And while Brian Austin Green looks real good making all these plans, his little war game doesn’t go so well. The Triple-8 zeroes in on Martin Bedell. But just as the machine’s about to snap Bedell’s little GI-Joe neck, John calls out “It’s me, John Connor.” What? John? Is that you acting all heroic and shit? Word. Up.
Then, Uncle Derrick and Johnny the Brave somehow run the Triple-8 into a tar pit and do away with the gargantuan massassin (combination of machine and assassin, clever right?).
In other news, Agent Ellison continues to do Catherine Weaver’s investigative dirty work, delving into the drama at the Serrano Point power plant. Based on Ellison’s findings, Weaver shoves her metal tongue down the plant manager’s throat, killing him in the alley behind his favorite bar. Shirley Manson, ya’ll. Cold. As. Ice. Maybe not the best actress in the world. But she’s looking v fierce in that white suit. Keep doing what you do, Shirley.