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"Friday Night Lights": Dirty Sexy Football

Posted by Lindy Parker

This week, the episode opens with Tim and Lyla in some sort of tickle match in which we believe Lyla is inciting Tim to take off his belt, but their pillow talk is interrupted by Billy brandishing a letter of interest from Oklahoma University.  Tim's reaction is fairly indicative of his standard operating procedure which involves running his life into the ground and then, in a sudden surge of ambition, pulling it back to the surface.  Lyla invites Tim to come with her and Buddy to a dinner with an OU football alum.  Buddy gives Lyla a "I-hope-you're-using-condoms-because-God-help-you-if-you-have-Tim-Riggins'-baby" speech.  As always, we're fairly creeped out by Buddy's every move.

Grandma Saracen's health is perilous at best and the doctors want Matt to put her in a home.  Matt can't bring himself to do it, and decides to emancipate himself in order to legally administer her medication through subterfuge.  Only problem is, Matt's dad's in Iraq, his mom's MIA (Ha. See, it's funny because his dad's a soldier and MIA...never mind), and he needs a parent's signature.  We have a question here.  Several actually.  Why do you need a parent's signature to become an emancipated minor? Don't most kids that are emancipated have unfit or abusive parents, or is that just on One Tree Hill?  Are either of those kinds of parents likely to willingly hand over a signature cutting their kid loose? 

Smash is back in the saddle again, rehabbing with the team, but it's still an emotional rollercoaster, highlighted by many a Coach Taylor pep talk. 

Tami's fighting with Buddy and the Mayor Rodell about the reappropriation of the jumbotron funds.  Tami stands her ground, Mayor Rodell makes ominous threats -- you know, just another day at the office.

Tyra's running for student body president and it has to be said, her homemade t-shirt is stupendous.  However, she's finding it difficult to out-straight-lace the incumbent president.  Landry tries to raise Tyra's spirits by coming up with some new, snappy campaign slogans ("Vote for Tyra, Get Some Action!"  "A Vote for Tyra is a Vote for Hotness"), and Mrs. Collette's pep talk advice basically boils down to "smoke 'em if you got 'em," which we think may be a not-so-vague reference to Tyra's impressive rack.  The next day dawns, and Tyra's campaign table is popping and locking with strippers in campaign t-shirts.  The new guidance counselor rants offensively and tries to suspend Tyra for inappropriate conduct. The new guidance counselor is a pain in our ass.  Tami steps in to defend Tyra, and allows her to participate in the final debate.  Tyra works the crowd into a frenzy and secures victory by promising to get the student body laid at the prom.  Tami is less than thrilled.

Matt runs into Julie behind the Applebee's while he's taking his fears and insecurities out on some boxes, and we pause to thank God that Julie and Matt are having a conversation. We feel like Julie could be a little more sympathetic to the fact that Matt's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, but her awkward attempts at jokes seem to make Matt feel better.  Turns out Matt can't send the emancipation papers to Iraq, so he tracks down his mother who we presume, judging by the hostility in Matt's stance, took off when he was pretty young.  

Tim gets it together and decides to give it the old college try at the dinner with Buddy and Lyla.  Priceless quote of the episode from Lyla: "I didn't know you googled."   Buddy takes Tim aside to deliver a few ambition-dampening threats, and we find ourselves right back in the Tim Riggins school of self-sabotage with only a plate of rare squab for comfort.

Tim and Lyla break up on the way home, but Lyla feels bad and brings Tim a cheeseburger.  We think it's a sign of how far they've come because Lyla is very cool about finding Tim on the couch with Tyra sans pants.


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About Lindy Parker

Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She now writes for hooksexup.com's TV blog, "The Remote Island." She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

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Bryan Christian has worked as a writer for Epicurious, GenArt and ID magazine; a web producer for WWD and Condé Nast; and a cameraman for his friends. He's married with roommate and lives in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn.

Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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