On the plus side: Cinemax's new After Dark smut series Zane's Sex Chronicles, which premiered Friday night and is based on the short story collection of the same name, is full of hotties of all makes and models -- not just the same ol' blonde bimbos -- and they're all getting naked. Yes, we can, people! Yes. We. Can.
On the minus side: there's boobs and butts, but no shots of genitals, nothing close to penetration -- and so much music that there ain't much in the way of moaning. People don't seem to come so much as just finish having sex in time for the fade out. Weird.
On the way minus side: one of the characters is a standup comedian whose material seems to be about being a 'ho' -- ! -- but not about being funny -- !! -- and at her show her friends are discussing throwing a girls night in -- !!! -- and one of them mentions that they'll be reading erotic stories as part of their fun -- !!!! -- and then one of the other girls goes "Oooh, if i can't get it on in real life, at least i can get it on with Zane's char-rac-ters!" Oh, yeah, high five, girl! As in five of these: !!!!!
So, this show takes place in the world of Zane's writing, but Zane's actually a force in this world, helping the women understand their volcanic, urbanic sexuality via email and her ouevre? OOOOOOOOOOOK. Guess we can roll with that when you got all these hotties around having semi-sex. We've read The French Lieutenant's Woman.
So, but, um, that part after the girls night in, when one of the women turns up late -- and then at the end of the episode it's revealed that she's actually Zane? Whaaaaaaaaa?
Did we say that loud enough? Try again: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA???????
Imagine that The L Word was 10 times more bizarre and that Jennifer Beals was somehow pulling all the strings of every character and you still don't get the totality of the strangeness that is Zane's Sex Chronicles. At all. Bad comedy, weird meta plot twists, and simulated doing it? Hell, if this shit was 35 years old and Italian, it'd be on Criterion. See ya next week!