Tuesday at 9, when oh, everyone on the planet will be checking in on election results, the Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs airs an episode entitled "Dirty Presidents." No, this isn't about Bill, Monica, and the cigar: it's a way for the show, which regularly covers people like sewage divers, to tie itself into this whole Election ratings boom by talking about how Ulysses S. Grant worked in a tannery, Andrew Johnson fed mice, and Herbert Hoover worked as a miner. Host Mike Rowe winds up artificially inseminating turkeys - and why? Was any Prez a turkey farmer? Or a turkey? (A: Yes, the current one. Zing!) Actually, turns out that Lincoln made Thanksgiving an official holiday, and, um...they eat turkey on Thanksgiving. In the White House. Ahhhh.
Good Luck with that one, Discovery Channel!
-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights