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“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:” House Calls

Posted by Olivia Purnell

 

This week, Ellison gets a visit from his doppelganger, evil filmmakers break into the Connor home base, and John’s girlfriend Riley (seen above) proves to be a total idiot.

Let’s get into it shall we?

Agent Ellison is attacked by a terminator wearing his likeness.  Basically his evil twin comes to his doorstep to murder him.  Luckily (or unluckily) Cromartie (the friendly terminator next door) stops the evil twin robot, telling Ellison that he has faith in him and predicting yet again that Ellison will lead to the Connors.

We hope not.  The thought of broody Ellison taking the road to hell even though he’s paved it with all kinds of good intentions makes us sad.

The Connor troupe is robbed this week.  They’re looted by some movie-making degenerates (one of whom happens to be played by The Ringers frontman, Joe Hursley).  The film gang stole their IDs, credit cards, diamonds, and Cameron’s leather jacket.  They shouldn’t have taken her jacket; it seemed to piss her off a bit. 

While Mama Connor and robot Camie set off to hunt down the motley crew of writer/directors (gotta love Los Angeles) Cromartie catches the Connor scent through the halfway house where Cameron stayed when she had that brief internal malfunction.  He tracks the Connors to their local grocery store then to their home where, despite John Connors efforts to get her to run, girlfriend Riley answers the door and bluffs until the robot goes away.

Riley, Riley, Riley.  She was so cute when she was just the blond girl in Doc Martens.  But now, it’s her fault the Connors get robbed (she left the security system off).  And she brazenly confronts a robot at the Connor’s front door, even though John tries to tell her “No, girl, don’t go. Danger, Danger Will Robinson!”  Then, she has the Hooksexup to make John call her a badass.  If badass = kind of irritating and about to get him killed, then yes girl that’s you.  You’re a badass.

So anyway, as John is narrowly escaping a quick and decisive neck-snap at the hands of a terminator, Cameron and Sarah track the film crew to a bowling alley, where Cameron makes them give back her leather jacket then shoots three of the four (obviously the sensible thing to do).  Sarah, in a moment of weakness, spares the fourth kid.  Of course, Cromartie finds the Last Mohican, and is beginning to wrench the Connor family’s whereabouts from his trembling lips as the episode ends.  Doh!
 


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Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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