Oh, except that they're not! Those brilliant BASTARDS!!!
When the body of a former “American Idol” contestant who was obsessed with Paula Abdul was found outside the "Idol" judge's home Tuesday, several reports suggested that the woman's harsh rejection during her audition on the show may have sparked the downward spiral that ended in her apparent suicide.
But neither the “Idol” judges nor the show are to blame, a well-known psychiatrist told FOXNews.com.
Oh, OK, thanks! Hey, another question: are these the droids we're looking for?
We particularly like how the other source for this pastiche of conjecture and CYA is -- wait for it -- Paula Goodspeed's MySpace page. Is there a way to make "schadenfraude" and "synergy" one word? Yes. It's "BRILLIANT BASTARDS."