So we were all ready to summarize this week's Heroes episode, which sucked as usual, except that Seth Green and Breckin Meyer of Robot Chicken were on it as comic store guys. But then we got to thinking about Tim Kring's comment that only "saps and dipshits" would watch shows in a serialized format. You know, this quote:
(The serialized show) is a very flawed way of telling stories on network television right now, because of the advent of the DVR and online streaming. The engine that drove [serialized TV] was you had to be in front of the TV [when it aired]. Now you can watch it when you want, where you want, how you want to watch it, and almost all of those ways are superior to watching it on air. So [watching it] on air is related to the saps and the dipshits who can't figure out how to watch it in a superior way.
And if you're a sap and dipshit for watching the show Mondays at 9 and trying to follow the nonsensical plots and completely inconsistent characters, you'd have to be extra sappy and dipshitty for jotting down notes on everything that happens on Heroes, and then trying your best to cleverly summarize it for people who have grown attached to the show even though it's no good anymore. And who wants to be sappy and dipshitty? Not us. Therefore, in the interest of being neither saps nor dipshits, we have decided to stop writing recaps of Heroes. And if we accidentally find ourselves watching the show on occasion, hoping it'll somehow be saved or, if not, mercifully euthanized, it's only because we're too dumb to figure out something superior to do.
[Ed.: Actually, if Bryan Fuller replaces Tim Kring, we're totally there. Just saying.]
-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights