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“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:” Notorious B.A.G.

Posted by Olivia Purnell

 

This week Brian Austin Green saves the world.  Twice.  Lets celebrate with some gratuitous dirty B.A.G?  Want to?

We thought you might . . .


Brian, Brian, Brian you’re almost hot enough to marry Megan Fox, oh wait . . .  



She’s so hot we’ll take the pair.  But that is another story for another day.  

This week on T:TSCC a daughter and her pregnant mother call Sarah for help after the father dies saving them from a terminator. These two miscellaneous ladies have Sarah on speed dial because saved them from annihilation months ago.  This time she sends Uncle Derrick to do the dirty work.

The T-888 found the mama-bear sister-bear combo after the mother decided it was time to make a quick phone-call to her ex-lover.  You know to catch up, whisper sweet nothings, and lead her family into a death trap.  Now, the daughter and mom, Lauren and blah-ba-di-blah (We refuse to learn mama’s name after that last little bit of foolishness), are holed up in some kind of an abandoned bus situation.  

The mama bear is 34weeks along and has a bullet hole through her chest.  Lauren is holding it together rather nicely.  As we’re thinking to ourselves “she has really maintained her haircut while on the run,” in swoops Brian Austin Green to save the day.

He puts a tube through blah-ba-di-blah’s chest to help her breathe/relay important plot points, and we flashback/forward about a million times to fill in the blanks.  We learn that Sarah continues to be a badass, and that in the future, fetus Sydney (who is still inside blah-ba-di-blah’s belly) will save the world and Brian Austin Green with an immunity hidden in her blood stream.

Thankfully, none of these flashbacks/forwards involve John Connor.  It’s not that we hate little Johnny.  We don’t.  It’s just that sometimes a little break is good for everyone.  He’s probably off somewhere with his shady girlfriend listening to Soundgarden and wearing hemp.  Good.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or at least less annoyed with your broody-teen angst.

Uncle Derrick on the other hand, is getting all kinds of face time this episode, and we love it.  The Notorious B.A.G helps birth the immunity baby, saves future Sydney from machine death, coaches mini-badass Lauren on how to be tough, and all the while looks good in that slightly paranoid, I’m being chased by robots from the future sort of a way.    



+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

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Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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