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Mario Batali vs. Gordon Ramsay

Posted by Jake Kalish

 

 

They're both great chefs, but this sounds like a fight between fourth graders. Iron Chef Mario Batali has banned Gordon Ramsay of Hell's Kitchen from all of his restaurants. Why? Because Gordon called him a name. Fanta Pants. You see, Mario Batali, a very fat man with very orange hair, likes to wear these giant orange shorts. Hence, Fanta Pants. See? Fourth grade. Maybe third. Admittedly, "Fanta Pants" is a better nickname than "Sunkist Pants." And more British. Ramsay could easily run up to the teacher and say "he started it," because Mario did. Batali said Ramsay's food was dull and outdated and that Gordon, who opened up a restaurant in the London NYC hotel, didn't "get" New York. Now, that seems a lot meaner than "Fanta Pants." 

Boy oh boy, Batali, toughen up. Banning a guy because he called you a dumb name? First of all, if you're a fat man with orange hair you shouldn't wear orange shorts. All the time. If you do, you might expect a little teasing. Plus, we assumed Batali could take the insults -  a couple of years ago, Mario was roasted at a charity event to benefit the Food Bank, and Ted Allen of Queer Eye got off this zinger:

He drinks beer, feeds all day, is constantly getting massages from transvestite hookers — basically, Mario is a Kobe human … Don't expect to see him in the kitchen at Babbo though. Mario hasn't actually cooked since 1979 — unless you count freebasing.

Freebasing and tranny hookers. Now those are some grown-up insults. Batali laughed his (giant) ass off then, but "Fanta Pants" got to him.

PREVIOUSLY:

Bourdain Disses Batali

Mario Batali And Anthony Bourdain Talk Food And Sex

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

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About Jake Kalish

Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights https://www.amazon.com/Santa-vs-Satan-Compendium-Imaginary/dp/0307406709/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208807460&sr=8-1

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Bryan Christian has worked as a writer for Epicurious, GenArt and ID magazine; a web producer for WWD and Condé Nast; and a cameraman for his friends. He's married with roommate and lives in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn.

Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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